1 In 4 U.S. Couples Make Love Once A Month Or Less, And Fatigue May Be Why

(© Chad Bridwell – stock.adobe.com)

Sleep or sex? The choice is clear for an exhausted nation

Forget affairs or lost attraction. The real intimacy killer stalking American bedrooms is apparently nothing more than sheer exhaustion.

A survey of 2,000 adults in relationships reveals that 25% of American couples barely make it to the bedroom once per month, while 14% describe their sex lives as outright unsatisfying. The research, commissioned by LELO and conducted by Talker Research, points to a surprising culprit behind all that disappearing intimacy. It’s not passion that’s missing, it’s energy.

Why Couples Stop Having Sex

When asked what stands between them and physical connection, 38% of respondents pointed to fatigue as their primary barrier. The finding dwarfs more dramatic relationship threats, painting a picture of modern couples too drained to desire each other by the time they collapse into bed.

Right behind exhaustion came mismatched sex drives at 29% and health issues at the same percentage. Work stress disrupted intimacy for 27% of couples, while parenting demands claimed 22%. Financial pressure, household responsibilities, and emotional distance each affected roughly one in five relationships.

The average American couple surveyed manages just four sexual encounters per month, lasting about 18.6 minutes each. Do the math, and that’s only 15 hours of physical intimacy across an entire year. Yet, even this modest baseline proves elusive for millions of couples drowning in responsibilities.

The Generational Divide in Sexual Frequency

A generational divide cuts through the data. Gen Z couples report the highest frequency at 5.3 times monthly, with millennials close behind at 5.1 encounters. These younger couples are outpacing their older counterparts not through superior passion but seemingly through better prioritization or simply fewer competing demands.

The research uncovered a direct link between behaviors outside the bedroom and satisfaction inside it. Couples reporting very frequent sex (defined as eight or more times monthly) also scheduled the most date nights at 3.5 per month. By contrast, rarely intimate couples managed just 1.2 romantic outings. A large portion (27%) of respondents reported zero date nights in a typical month.

Even texting patterns predicted bedroom activity. Among the most sexually active group, 35% maintained constant text communication with partners throughout the day. Only 9% of rarely intimate couples kept that digital thread alive.

“In the last two decades our lifestyle has accelerated to a dizzying, sometimes overwhelming pace, and our dependence on technology is exacerbating this,” said Luka Matutinovic, chief marketing officer of LELO.

How Technology Changed Modern Intimacy

Digital intimacy is rewriting relationship rules entirely. One-third of those surveyed have sexted their partners, while 16% tried video call sex. Among Gen Z specifically, these numbers spike dramatically: 55% regularly sext, and 60% have shared intimate photos with partners.

Technology may be removing distance as a barrier to sexual connection, but it hasn’t solved the exhaustion problem. Interestingly, only 9% of couples blamed technology distractions for their bedroom woes, far fewer than those citing fatigue, chores, or work stress.

Despite the barriers, 71% of respondents report satisfaction with their sex lives, with 43% describing themselves as extremely satisfied. Many couples have apparently made peace with their frequency levels, even if cultural expectations suggest they should want more.

The data suggests romantic intimacy is under siege not from dramatic relationship failures but from the grinding demands of modern adulthood. Physical connection becomes one more item competing for space on the calendar against careers, children, and crushing fatigue. Passion doesn’t disappear. It gets scheduled out, postponed until tomorrow, then forgotten entirely until another month has somehow passed.