Will he ever propose? – Chicago Tribune
Dear Eric: My good friend has been with her boyfriend for over 20 years. She finally moved into her house after the death of her mother a year and a half ago. They attend family events from the other – weddings, funeral, birthdays, sporting events, jobs – and he tells him that he loves him.
He had all the details of her The future marriage already planned, especially which will be the boys of honor and where he wants to get married. Unfortunately, after every vacation or special events, there is never a engagement ring for my friend. His girlfriend before my friend was a thinner blonde who threw her.
After more than 20 years, do you think he will never offer and will get married with my friend?
-Bridesmaid-in-Waiting
Defielder of honor: Of course, it is possible. He will be even more likely to perform if your friend and her boyfriend have an honest and frank conversation on their desires and the details of their individual hours.
Although it may seem obvious that after 20 years, he should want to offer, especially since he has already designed a dream wedding, the only way to discover what he really thinks of talking about it. It is also the only way for your friend to let her know what she thinks.
Often, in long -term relationships, we start to assume that our partners have enough data to be players. And sometimes also, we assume that we know each neuron pulling into the head resting on the opposite pillow. But, of course, this is not entirely true.
Even if someone wants to have a surprise proposal, and the whole fanfare that it implies, it is crucial that the health of the relationship maintains the open communication routes.
Dear Eric: I have heard informally saying that my nieces and nephews have collectively decided that the whole family (including me) would meet for the graduation of the college of one of my grande-years in May. I was not involved in this decision, but it’s okay. It is not my child or my event. (I have no children.) I am also the only living uncle.
I have no interest in going there. These family events involve so many people; It is difficult to spend significant time with anyone. In addition, it is on the other side of the country, and the graduates and I have never been close. He barely told me about other rallies and never recognized the gifts (in cash) that I have sent over the years for birthdays, Christmas or his secondary school diploma. Although it seems to be the rule more, not the exception.
It will be the first of these graduates who will occur almost annually for a while. Not to mention any marriages.
The dilemma is that, if I jump one or two but I go to the others, there will probably be feelings of a grudge among relatives. And if I go to this one (reluctantly), do I have to go everyone?
Fortunately, it is not a financial burden. And I am retired, so time is not a problem. But it looks more like an appointment on the root canal than a good time.
I have the impression that there is no scenario “everyone happy” here. Am I missing a solution?
– Go or not
Dear Go or not: If you don’t want to go, don’t tell them that the dates do not work for you. You don’t have to invent a fictitious holiday or another excuse developed. But you have your own life, your calendar and your priorities and it is true that this event is not part of them.
By approaching this front and early, you also have the possibility of sending your good wishes and a gift if you wish. You also have the possibility of defining a previous one that is fair and that works for you. This previous one: you will come when you can. Nothing prevents you from ensuring that the steps to come and feel special for your grand-nieces and your great years in a way that is specific to you, your relationship and your capacity.
From your point of view that there may be feelings last: everyone’s feelings are their responsibility. If you are frank with your loved ones and make an effort in good faith to honor the celebrants, you have nothing to feel bad.
Dear Eric: In response to the letter of “grandfather” concerning the loss of his longtime dog companion, thank you very much for recommending to adopt an older dog. I would also add that him or whoever is not sure of a fur commitment but who wants dogs in their lives, could consider family care for dogs.
– Parent of host dog
Dear Foster: A great suggestion. Another note that appeared in the answers to this question is that everyone, of any age, should ensure that there are plans in place for a friend or a parent to take care of the dog if the owner is incapable or dies.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askinric.com or Po Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and register for his weekly newsletter at Rercthomas.com.)
