Brother-in-law has yet to repay $25,000 loan – Chicago Tribune
Dear Eric: After a life of making bad choices with a husband and boyfriends later, I adopted with will the life of single and I was fully happy and even happy.
A few months ago, at 70, I attended the commemorative service of a dear friend. While I started to leave, I had a flash of connection when my eyes met those now with whom I had worked 40 years ago. We had a pleasant exchange; We then met for lunch a month later, then sometimes and there is a strong connection.
It could be something really good for the two of us, but he told me that during his 60 -year -old wedding, he was a serial cheater and also that this need for “prohibited” sex with people who do not care who he is. He has no remorse, and this will continue to happen in the future even if we were to be a couple.
On the one hand, I am so discouraged because apart from this huge problem, it is wonderful. Does that mean that everything is desperate? I do not connect easily with the others and it was so good for me in many ways.
I do not think it does any of the dangerous models to which I fell in the past, like “bombing” or one of the narcissistic control tips. Until now, everything is fine, with the exception of his honest explanation of this unavailable aspect of whom he is and his clear declaration that this could happen, even at his current age of 82 years.
Such a shame when I have so much fun with him and we are so easily compatible.
What do you think of that?
– Romantic without hope
Dear romantic: You don’t need to settle down. I want to highlight the way you started your letter: after a life of relationships that did not give you what you need, you “kiss with pleasure the life of a single”. You are happy and happy. You have found a love for yourself that does not need approval or support for a partner. No matter what’s going on with this other guy, this is the appearance on which you should focus. You are enough.
Now we can be satisfied with ourselves and always want the company. The two do not exclude each other. But this person could be better as an Imi. I do not have the sense of your letter that you want to be in an open relationship. And it seems that the prohibited aspect is crucial for him. So ask yourself what is crucial for you. If it is a good meeting for lunch and fun to rub shoulders, perhaps what suits you best, it is to put a border around your relationship so that it is not romantic or not sexual and that you can get what you want without having to give some of yourself.
Dear Eric: Because my stepfather was still angry with one of his sons (my husband and his brother) and changing his will accordingly, they agreed to divide everything as well, no matter what the will said. When my stepfather died almost everything was left to my brother-in-law. True to his word, he sent us a check for half. We were grateful and expressed our thanks. About a year later, my brother-in-law called for asking for $ 25,000 until a CD was due in a year. We sent the money the next day.
After 18 months, my husband questioned his brother about the loan and my brother-in-law went crazy, shouting (by phone) to my husband, injunction, and Cetera. The money has never been reimbursed, but worse, my husband and his brother have not spoken for more than two years. Your thoughts?
– Sister in law
Dear sister-in-law: Each loan must be delivered with written conditions, preferably in consultation with a financial advisor or a lawyer. Especially loans of this size. This gives both parties a clear vision of expectations concerning reimbursement and interest, if necessary, as well as the appeal if something is bad.
It may seem too litigious, especially between families, but, as your letter shows, there is not much that can lead a corner between people like money. Now, in the case of your husband and her brother, given the story with their father, I also suspect that there are other mental or emotional factors involved in the reaction of your brother-in-law.
What to do about it? It depends on what is most important to you. If reimbursement is the top priority, you can consult a lawyer to see if you have viable options. If the most important thing is reunification, then your husband and his brother must have a conversation of reset in which they are both able to state the places where they felt injured without the other being offended. Then they will have to agree to leave the past in the past and move forward differently.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askinric.com or Po Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and register for his weekly newsletter at Rercthomas.com.)
