The one change that worked: I had Sad and felt desperate – until a scientist gave me some priceless advice | Life and style

II’m pretty sure I must be half human, half plant – how else can I explain why I need light to thrive? During the brighter seasons I feel great, but when winter comes and the light starts to fade, I start to sag.

I have suffered from seasonal affective disorder (sad) since I was a teenager. The symptoms of Sad are similar to those of regular depression, with low mood and lethargy, and can be just as debilitating. Over the years, I’ve experienced the full spectrum of sadness, from times of excessive fatigue and cravings for carbs (yes, those are official symptoms of sadness), to the low point where I would collapse crying on the kitchen floor after school because it was so cold, dark, and gloomy.

I’ve always had a hard time enjoying the comfort of early winter, when Sad feels like a curse waiting to erupt, like an inevitable winter bug that lasts all season. But maybe it didn’t have to be that way? Fed up with wasting months of my life in darkness every winter one year, I decided to do a deep dive into the science of Sad and even talked to a straight-faced Finnish scientist about it for an article I was writing. His advice? Sit in front of a light box emitting 10,000 lux, for up to one hour, at least five times a week. Eight out of ten people will get good results, says the Finn, and you should start a few weeks before symptoms usually appear. And do it in the morning.

At first it seemed too simple – the basic advice for Sad is to “light up”, but I had already tried Sad lamps and lunchtime walks, with little success. But I didn’t realize that timing was so crucial: You need to get that light into your eyeballs shortly after waking up – before 10 a.m. – because the goal is to improve your circadian rhythm. Darkness sets people with SAD adrift because our bodies can’t keep track of time and the body clock affects many things, from hormones, hunger, digestion and immune function to alertness, memory and sleep.

I was desperate, so I decided to follow the instructions to the letter. I bought new bulbs for my 10-year-old Sad Lamps and set them up on either side of me in a window seat that gets the morning sun, or at least a cloudy approximation. Last winter, I sat there every morning early to read a book in the blinding light, coffee in hand.

Honestly, I was shocked at how well it worked. I still had dark days from time to time, but thanks to my new bright routine, I felt mostly like myself. Instead of sinking into fatigue as the afternoons grew shorter, I was ready to take on the day. I could skip an occasional morning without any adverse effects, but I soon found myself drawn to the light because I knew it would brighten me up, especially on a rainy day.

As winter progressed, I realized that light didn’t just give me the energy to get through the day: I also had the energy to have fun. Instead of preferring a blanket on the couch most nights in January, I found myself wanting to go out to dinner and dancing on the weekends. Better yet, I was able to appreciate how beautiful winter can be, when you’re awake enough to notice it.

Now that winter is almost here, I am in front of the bright window again and I am no longer afraid of the dark.