He believes he is the smartest person in the room – Chicago Tribune

Dear Eric: I have to work with a very arrogant person and I have difficulty dealing with his dismissive attitude and grumpy remarks.

The fact is that I pay him to do work on my house. He is a talented and capable person, but his personality is very off-putting because he honestly seems to believe that he is the smartest person in the room, which is ridiculous.

He acts like everyone is stupid except him. Although he doesn’t directly call me or anyone else stupid, his attitude makes it clear. Therefore, I’m afraid to deal with him, but I need his help right now.

How do you deal with someone who doesn’t directly call you an idiot but acts like you are?

I have come to believe that he actually thinks he is being polite and helpful when his demeaning and rude disdain is what is really coming across.

– Respect, please

Dear respect: You may not be able to change this man’s personality — who may be predisposed to arrogance and disdain — but you can give him constructive criticism about the way the two of you interact.

Try to pick one or two things that you’ve noticed repeatedly and address them specifically, rather than talking to him about his general behavior. It’s easier to be defensive and dismissive when faced with general statements. Instead, try saying something like: “I would like to provide you with feedback about our working relationship, if you are open to it. I would like to be able to communicate clearly so that the project is successful. When I hear things like [here you’d insert a specific example]This seems dismissive to me. Instead, if you give me an update on the work, could you phrase it this way? » Of course, adjust the language to suit your style. The goal is to bridge the gap between intention and impact.

Work relationships thrive on communication. So it’s good to ask for what you need and offer solutions for the parts of the relationship that aren’t working for you. I hope he is receptive and clearly communicates his needs to you. If he isn’t, he may not be the best person for the job.

Dear Eric: To your excellent response to “Leftovers, Anyone?” “, who was a little perturbed by her daughter-in-law’s Friendsgiving meal mirroring her own Thanksgiving, I have a suggestion. My wife and I are the eldest in our extended family and often host Thanksgiving. This year, while my wife was recovering from surgery, we had a non-traditional takeout meal, where I cooked the main entrée (dry-grilled flank steak) and everyone brought a side dish or dessert. We all had a great time as a family, and no one complained about the lack of turkey!

– No turkey, still good

Dear Still Great: I love sharing holidays! Many hands make the work lighter.

Dear Eric: Here, a librarian, responding to “Message Deleted,” whose son got angry at a parent who posted news of the letter writer posting a photo of her son’s wedding on social media. The author of the letter wrote: “I feel bad because my son seems to think he can forbid me from sharing this news with my friends. »

I’ve noticed that many people by default “own” their social media accounts and therefore the right to post whatever they want. Friends and family members will take photos or, sometimes worse, go through their old files, take a photo of an old photo, and share it online.

Enthusiastic and informed consent is the way to go here. First show the photo to the people in the photo. Before posting, ask: “Do you mind if I post this on [this platform]”? Every time. Every time.

Their faces do not belong to you. There are many reasons why someone might not want a photo published, ranging from simply it being an unflattering photo, to future employers Googling their name, to hiding from an abusive ex or being in witness protection.

Even with privacy settings locked down, the terms of service that we all click “accept” on, usually without reading, give the online platform the freedom to choose what you post. The landscape is entirely different. The way we post and share should be too.

– Pay attention to social media