John Perry Barlow, JFK Jr., and a Night of Grief I Can’t Forget
Staring wildly popular television series love story took me back to a strange week in my past. One day in April 1994, I was working in a studio that served as my office. I split the cost with Cynthia Horner, a psychiatrist who had recently moved to live with her boyfriend, the songwriter and cyberphilosopher John Perry Barlow, who was a friend of mine. Late that afternoon, my wife called me to tell me the shocking news that Cynthia, just 30 years old, had died. I called Barlow, who told me that Cymthia had died suddenly on a plane. Both had suffered from a severe flu the previous week and the virus was silently attacking her heart. I dropped everything and headed to Barlow’s. For the next six hours, Barlow and I cried, drank, and banged our heads over the inexplicable, along with another friend. This friend was no stranger to tragedy. It was John F. Kennedy Jr.
Barlow, who died in 2018 at age 70, was known for many things. He was the self-proclaimed junior lyricist of the Grateful Dead, an Internet proselytizer, co-founder of the Electronic Frontier Foundation, and an outstanding networker. Without forgetting a key character from the beginnings of WIRED. He was also among the closest friends of the so-called American prince, the son of our martyred president. The friendship was no secret: Barlow was an inveterate die-hard. Still, the couple was fascinating and said something about both parties.
The relationship began in the summer of 1977. Barlow was tending his family ranch in Pinedale, Wyoming, when Jackie Kennedy called him at the suggestion of a mutual friend. As Barlow wrote in his posthumously published autobiography, American Mother’s NightJackie wanted her 17-year-old son, JFK Jr., to get a taste of the wild life on a ranch. Barlow, in his account, said yes and augmented the teen’s ranch chores with LSD. Things they did during dosing included taking long rides in Barlow’s truck and dropping explosives into gas wells. They became close and, over the years, Barlow went from a reprobate father figure to a friend figure.
It was a permanent connection. Barlow writes that he attended a Prince concert with Kennedy in 1993, where both tripped again. Kennedy felt the audience was too restrained and he urged Barlow to get up and dance. As Barlow writes, everyone from Radio City Music Hall joined in. Later, after Barlow met Cynthia, the two would date Kennedy and his then-girlfriend Daryl Hannah. After the night I spent with Barlow and Kennedy, Hannah flew to New York and helped with postmortem planning for a memorial service. She seemed like a lovely person.
In 1994, Kennedy left Hannah and courted the charismatic Carolyn Bessette. Barlow became the confidant of his friend’s new sweetheart, even attending their intimate wedding ceremony in 1996. One photo shows Barlow preparing for the formalities with JFK Jr., Ted Kennedy and the priest. I don’t know what Barlow said to honor the couple, but I imagine the lyricist who wrote “Estimated Prophet” delivered cutting words that mixed comedy and insight.
In American Mother’s NightBarlow provides an alternative explanation for why Kennedy’s Cessna took off at sunset, resulting in a nighttime flight that resulted in the man’s death, as well as those of his wife and sister. Barlow said he had just informed his 2,500 closest friends of his mother’s death. Kennedy, he said, was late to the airport because he was writing a long condolence email to Barlow. Aside from the reasons for the late takeoff, Barlow claims he had already given Kennedy a warning that was ultimately ignored: “When you lose sight of the horizon, don’t look for it. Just put your eyes on the instrument and believe it.”
