It is time for another dose of madness seen here in America’s psych ward waiting room, aka The 27th State, aka Florida. In the midst of assassination attempts, war coverage, media distemper, and a general sense of national anxiety, it seems appropriate, nay, needed to deliver a dose of mirth to the mayhem.
Thus, serving as a diversion is this collection of news items from the country’s bastard stepchild, the one with a populace in a perpetual plight of pandemonium?! What better way to feel better about things than to see what it is we have to grapple with here in the heated tropics of sub-Dixie?
Florida Man-of-the-Cloth
Leslie Williams is a 62-year-old pastor who guides his flock in the over-55 community known as The Villages. He has also written a book, “Love Her Like This: Loving Her Has Never Been Deeper,” a guide for husbands on how to treat their wives.
The book is described as addressing “common issues that arise in a marriage that have the potential to destroy the sacred relationship between a husband and wife.” Maybe Williams should have added a chapter concerning the uncommon issues that can damage your nuptials.
Such as bigamy.
Williams was arrested in his home after it was learned that he had recently been married, which came as something of a surprise to the woman to whom he was currently married.
He wrote a book challenging men to love their wives the way Christ loves the church. Now Pastor Leslie Williams is in custody, charged with bigamy after officials confirmed two active marriages. https://t.co/DjpjsYFEkX pic.twitter.com/YBZ273kF24
— ChurchLeaders.com (@ChurchLead) May 6, 2026
Florida Menace
Yakon Levi just wanted to relax by the shore. If anyone could probably use some relaxation, it was Levi, but he was not content to lounge in the sand. He intended to sit in the provided lounge chairs at a condominium, but when informed that those were reserved for condo residents, he became agitated. Levi grabbed a nearby umbrella and tried to attack the rules enforcer.
Then he found a drill with a 2-foot-long sand auger and threatened to kill the resident. By then, the police arrived and subdued Levi after he had resisted arrest.
This will be added to the rap sheet of the 50-year-old, who has on his criminal resume an arrest for stealing a Jet Ski.
While naked.
They were enjoying sunbathing at the beach until a fight over beach chair led to man pulling a DRILL on Florida sunseekers https://t.co/S5UiBwVqbj
— Daily Mail US (@Daily_MailUS) May 2, 2026
Florida Woman
It is possible that Susan Avlon was tired of telling people how many ex-husbands she had. Past tense is operative in her case. Ms. Avlon can be said to be a less-than-perceptive sort. When police came to speak to her about a shooting, she breezed past them with rags and bleach to clean up her car.
When the police said they wanted to ask if she knew about her ex-husband being shot, her response was, “Which one?”
This led them to discover she had shot TWO of her former paramours on the same day. She has pleaded not guilty, but in the case of the second killing, there was a 911 call made, and a woman’s voice could be heard. Susan’s current boyfriend — probably sensing his chance at survival — confirmed to authorities that it was her voice on that recording.
Woman who responded ‘Which one?’ when cops asked her about 1 of her 2 dead ex-husbands could now face the death penalty: Prosecutors https://t.co/ljstd2m174
— Law & Crime (@lawcrimenews) April 22, 2026
Florida Main Character
Fort Lauderdale’s New River is frequently filled with water traffic, as it winds through the downtown area, feeding into the Intracoastal Waterway. It takes something to be noticed amid the busyness, but one guy managed to draw attention.
He was moving along on his waterjet-propelled hoverboard, trailing about 30 feet of intake house connected to his Jet Ski.
Which was being piloted by his Golden Retriever.
Florida Man doesn’t ask for permission.
He just straps on a jet-propelled hoverboard, hooks up his dog to a jet ski, and goes for a Sunday cruise like it’s completely normal.This is why the rest of the country will never understand us.
Peak Florida. Never change. pic.twitter.com/4mqIIVM9YI— Straight Florida (@StraightFlorida) May 3, 2026
Florida Brahman
Fish & Game Commission officers have announced that a nature preserve enjoyed by locals has reopened. This followed a temporary closure when a cow from a nearby ranch had slipped past its fenceline and was attacked by a gator.
To give a sense of the size of the reptile, the gator bypassed a calf and instead attacked the mother, which sustained injuries enough that the cow was euthanized. Authorities noted that we are entering the two-month peak mating season, when gators can become territorial and more aggressive.
They then announced the 700-acre public park, which sports hiking trails, including one that is dog-friendly, a boat dock, and a kayak launch area, was reopened to residents.
Florida park closed after alligator attacks escaped cow https://t.co/QP9vy4yZ6X
— nwfdailynews (@nwfdailynews) April 28, 2026
A sign of this season heating up is the Southwest Florida woman who had a pair of dueling males going at each other – on her screened-in patio.
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