12 Mother’s Day gifts dogs would buy their humans
If dogs had credit cards and thumbs, Mother’s Day would be the most chaotic. Not to mention, mud-stained and hilarious. Just forget about spa vouchers; A dog’s idea of ”being pampered” involves things that smell like old cheese. Or even help you clean up the mess they just made.
Here are 12 “dog-bought” Mother’s Day gifts. These perfectly capture the beautiful absurdity of life with a four-legged child.
The ChomChom Roller (the “I’m not sorry” gift)
A dog knows that its main contribution to decorating your home is a thick coat of fur. So by “purchasing” the ChomChom Roller, your dog is essentially… uh, apologizing, we guess? Like, “I know I’m a freak, but here’s how you can scrape my essence off the couch!” It’s the ultimate passive-aggressive gift: a tool to solve a problem they have no intention of stopping.
A personalized pet face mug (The Ego Trip)
Move around, sunsets and “The Best Mom in the World” logo on the mugs. Why not just look at your dog’s bug-eyed, tongue-tied face? A dog would order that, certainly. The benefits are visible: even when they nap in the other room, they remain the center of your attention. It’s a subtle reminder that every sip of coffee should be taken in their honor.
“Dog Hair is My Glitter” Clothing
Dogs don’t understand fashion (maybe?). But they certainly understand branding. For a dog, a clean black sweater is a blank canvas. They’ll give you a t-shirt that claims dog hair is “glittery.” It’s their way of redefining their hygiene concerns as a high-end fashion choice. He tells the world, “She doesn’t have a lint roller problem; she has a bubbly personality. »
Scented Candles (The ‘Wet Dog’ Gum)
Dogs know that after a rainy walk they smell like swamps. So, they would buy a “Pet House” or “Dog Mom” candle. Not because they like the scent of lavender, but because they’ve noticed you make a face when you enter the living room. It’s their way of saying, “Here, smell this instead of my wet belly.” »
Personalized “Masterpieces” with Paw Prints
Forget a framed photo; a dog wants to give you its literal DNA. Using a messy ink pad or DIY clay kit, your dog would “create” a piece of art for the coat. It’s the dog version of a toddler’s finger painting: part sentimental, part disastrous. And guaranteed to leave ink stains on the kitchen floor that will never go away.
A BarkBox subscription (the “Gift for me” gift)
This is the classic “Husband buys wife a bowling ball” gesture. A dog would “buy” you a subscription box full of toys and treats under the guise of “spending quality time together.” Really, they just want the squeaky stuffed taco and the grain-free cookies, but they’ll let you recycle the cardboard box.
The fun “Move Over” doormat
A dog’s sense of humor is rooted in truth. A doormat that says “Wipe Your Paws (And Bring Treats to the Real Boss)” is a dog’s way of establishing the hierarchy of the house for guests. It’s a gift that manages to insult human mom and visitors simultaneously, which is exactly how a dog likes it.
Talking Animal Buttons (The Gift of Constant Demands)
If a dog wants to communicate, he will usually just stare at you until you feel uncomfortable. By giving you FluentPet Buttons, they are entering the digital age. This gift is hilarious because it immediately backfires; instead of saying “I love you”, the dog will simply spend 24 hours a day pressing the “Cheddar” and “Walk” buttons throughout the day.
A Mini Dash Dog Treat Maker
A dog sees your kitchen and wonders why it’s not a 24-hour bakery. This gift is a “subtle” allusion. By giving you a waffle maker designed specifically for dog treats, they’re giving you a new hobby: one that involves standing over a hot stove while they sit at your feet, waiting for a “mistake” to fall onto the floor.
Personalized giant pillows
Why have a normal pillow when you could have a 2 foot tall plush version of your dog’s head? A dog would buy this so that when he’s busy chasing squirrels in the yard, you’ll always have a “double” to cuddle on the couch. It’s also a great way for them to scare the postman from the window.
“I love you more than candy” pop-up card
Dogs are not good at words, but they are good at destroying paper. A 3D pop-up card is the perfect gift because it offers two levels of entertainment: first, you see the adorable paper dog, and second, the dog gets to eat the card after you’re done crying over its cuteness. It’s the ultimate sustainable gift cycle.
Slipper socks (the “Trip Hazard” gear)
Dogs love feet. They love to sit on them, lick them and sometimes trip over them. A pair of fuzzy socks with their faces on them is the perfect way to keep your feet warm while you’re “stuck” under them on the couch. It’s a gift that says, “Since you won’t be getting up for the next three hours because I’m taking a nap on your lap, you might as well get comfy.”
Conclusion
Doggos are cute, sometimes smart and mostly silly. That’s just why we love them, right? And if they could get us anything for Mother’s Day, it would probably be something from this list. Or maybe something more “out of the box” (read: outrageous).
More seriously, the greatest gift our dogs can give us is their simple presence. We may get angry at them, sigh loudly while cleaning up after them, or just lose our minds from time to time at the frustration of their antics. And yet, we love them. And they love us with all their little hearts.
