Partner has stopped taking care of himself – Chicago Tribune
Dear Eric: I have been in a relationship with my partner since most of my twenty years, and even if I still love him, I find myself asking myself if I am always attracted by him.
In recent years, he has stopped taking care of him. As a very active and healthy person (I will run marathons, bicycles, uprising weights regularly, and this), I find it difficult to keep this attraction when he does not exercise, eats very badly, consumes hundreds of grams of sugar per day and the overall conduit leads a very sedentary lifestyle.
With these things and the changing bodies of the young people of the 20s and 30s, physically, he became a different person, but our link in the lifestyle also lacks this way.
Am I selfish for that? I want to find my partner attractive, but when he eats fries and fried chicken on my return from a 10 -mile race, I wonder if it will never change.
– Stuck girlfriend
Dear girlfriend: The ways we spend our time are reflections of what we appreciate. This is particularly true for intimate relationships. Sometimes couples will wonder why they have moved away and realize that they never spend time together. They still love each other but love also takes an activity.
By deleting the judgment of your boyfriend’s activities and yours, it is clear that it lacks connection points for both of you. This lack of connection can make physical attraction and different eating habits that are so large.
As you say, people will change, their bodies will change, their lifestyles will change. Good communication maintains these changes in the context. In your quest to determine if you are still attracted to your boyfriend, focus less on “no” and ask yourself if there are “yes”.
What are you talking about? What do you like to do together? What excites you at home? His lack of enthusiasm for the race, one thing that is close to your heart, can give the impression that he has no passions to him. Is it really true?
The physique is important, but the physique is constantly evolving and always connected to the mind and emotional. You can surpass each other, or you may need to reintroduce each other. It is worth discovering it.
Dear Eric: I had a Mexican vacation planned with three very good friends and our spouses. My only friend goes there quite often and was going to be there two additional weeks after the week we all had to be together. Her son and girlfriend (whom I have never met) also go quite often. The son and girlfriend have planned a visit at the same time as we were going, but he will not stay with us.
Quick advance to book a place to stay. We are mentioned our share of the rental with his son who stays with us because it would be “cheaper”.
Am I wrong to go back because that’s not what I accepted? Is it selfish to expect a trip with your friends?
Why am I the only one to have seemed to have a problem with the additional guests?
– Not so funny
Dear pleasure: This is a vacation different from the one you have considered, so that does not seem selfish to want what you want. It would be one thing if everyone had their own rentals and the son and his girlfriend would only join for certain meals or activities. It could be quite fun. But in the districts closest to a shared rental, dynamic changes.
Yes, the cost is a major factor in vacation planning, but the concept for the holidays is just as important. You leave to be with the people you know and that you care. Your experience of a new place will change depending on who you are and the type of conversation you can have. Thus, it would belong to anyone who directs the planning accusation to recognize that a cheaper rate per couple is not the only objective.
And even if it’s cheaper, it always costs money. Probably an important sum of money. So it makes sense that you choose not to spend your money on something you don’t want.
If your friendship can withstand the disruption to go back, it is logical to do so. However – a big one, however – it is easy to see how it could become a discord, especially if your friend takes it personally (“How dare you do not spend time with my son?”). This is a cost that you don’t want to pay.
Talking again about a place of possibility rather than rejection. Tell them about the holidays you have considered and why and see if, together, you can find a way to make it happen.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askinric.com or Po Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and register for his weekly newsletter at Rercthomas.com.)
