My boyfriend won’t have sex with me – and says I have to be patient | Life and style

My boyfriend And I have been together for a few months. The first time we were physically respondent It took him almost an hour to kiss me because he was shaking so much. He has had physical contact with anyone for four years. He says His last break was traumatic. Since then, he has had trouble maintaining an erection, even by looking at porn.

When we are together, I touch it and myself And, when I am close to the peak, I give it oral sex, so we orgasses together. He no longer kisses me and Don’t touch me intimately, apart from my breasts. He says I Must be patient because he has not had sex for years. He cannot understand why He is unable to maintain an erection with me.

I I’m starting to feel embarrassed and cheap. I am larger than its normal type And me Feel that this is the problem. I asked him why he was with me; He says It’s because he can spend hours talk to meAnd He feels comfortable with me. Should I be patient with him Or am I preparing for sorrow?

You have settled as a goalkeeper and, although it could be satisfactory for you in many ways, it is probably not erotically inspiring. This also made you question the tacit contract between you … which seems to be: you take care of him in all possible ways, but he does not do much to do the same. If that is correct, I can certainly understand if you feel that you deserve more. Would you say you have good self-esteem? Some people support this type of contract because, basically, they do not believe that they deserve – or can receive – better. Carefully think about the reason why you have come in this position and that is or not what you really want. You can always negotiate more attention, more kindness, more appreciation or everything you think he could give you but hold back. Give him to recognize how special you are and how lucky he is to have you in his life.

• If you want Pamela advice on sexual issues, send us a brief description of your concerns in private.lives@theguardian.com (please do not send attachments). Each week, Pamela chooses a problem to answer, which will be published online. She regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence. Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions.