Don’t ‘Phub’ Your Family and Friends Over the Holidays. Make One Small Change to Your Phone Etiquette

“Why are you on your phone right now?” said a voice at the table. You look up. Everyone talks to the people around them, eats, laughs, celebrates. The only screen in view is yours.

While smart phones are generally perfect for keeping us connectedthey sometimes cut us off from the people who are right in front of us. How many times have you spent time with your friends or family, only to have the conversation awkwardly stop as everyone picks up their phones to check their notifications? This type of subtle disconnect, often called “phubbing” or phone snobbery, happens more often than we think.

Even if it’s not intentional, people who don’t use their phones can feel invisible. If you want to be more present during dinners or social gatherings, something as simple as leaving your phone face down can help you stay focused on the people right in front of you.

I was guilty of paying more attention to my screen than my partner, and I felt terrible afterward. There’s nothing wrong with responding to an urgent text message or creating a fun TikTok to share. But I know I probably spend too much time staring at screens (much of that time is spent on unhealthy doom scrolling).

These days, when I’m not using my phone, I try to more deliberately keep it out of sight and out of mind. If I need to keep my phone within reach, I almost always have it face down.

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It can protect your phone screen

I have several reasons to make sure my phone screen is off. The first is practical: When my phone isn’t in my pocket, it’s probably sitting on a desk or table, which means it’s probably not far from a glass of water or a cup of coffee.

As a somewhat clumsy person, I’ve often spilled drinks on my phone. And even though most modern phones are water resistant, why take chances? With my screen hidden, I can protect the most important part of my phone from splashes and other mishaps.

For extra protection, I have a phone case with raised edges. This helps prevent the screen from coming into direct contact with any crumbs and debris that may be left on the table.

My CNET colleague David Carnoy told me about an incident in which he was charging his phone on his kitchen counter with the screen facing up. Someone dropped a cup on it and smashed the screen. Unfortunately, he didn’t have a screen protector on this device (he knows better now).

This could help save your phone battery

Another good reason to keep my phone face down is that it won’t turn on every time I get a notification. This means I can save some battery charge.

A single notification won’t make the difference between my phone lasting all day or dying in the afternoon, but notifications can add up, especially if I have them enabled in all my apps. If I’m in a lot of group chats, my screen might end up lighting up dozens of times throughout the day (and that’s pretty low: many teens get hundreds of notifications a day).

It also shows that you are paying attention

Keeping my phone face down is also a good rule of social etiquette: If I’m spending time with someone, I keep my screen hidden as a way to subtly show that I won’t be distracted by it. I don’t want incoming notifications lighting up my screen every few seconds, especially if I’m at a bar or other dimly lit place. I want to keep my eyes on the person I’m talking to.

“Eye contact is one of the most powerful forms of human connection. Neuroscience research indicates that when two people make direct eye contact, their brain activity begins to synchronize, promoting more effective communication and increasing empathy. This synchronization can be disrupted when attention turns to a phone, even briefly,” says Michelle Davis, clinical psychologist at Headspace.

When I’m with the people I choose to spend time with, I want to be fully present with them. A sudden notification will tempt me to take a look, or worse, pick up my phone in the middle of a conversation.

It minimizes the presence of your phone

I also have a more personal reason for keeping my phone face down and I suspect other people have had the same thought: my phone is taking up too much space in my life.

I mean that literally. My phone is bigger than it needs to be. This is especially true since I upgraded from my iPhone Mini to a “full sized” iPhone. Yes, I got a much-needed increase in battery life, but I also got a screen with more pixels to lure me to the next news headline or auto-playing Instagram reel.

A small smartphone doesn’t really exist anymore. My phone is bigger and attracts my attention better. It competes with my friends and family, my books and movies, and the whole world outside of its 6-inch screen. He often wins. But there’s one more small thing I can do to minimize its presence: I can keep the screen away from me as much as possible.

I sometimes feel like I can’t escape my phone. Whether this will ever change or phones evolve into a new form factor, I can’t say. I can’t control everything on my phone, but I can control whether the screen is looking at me when I’m not looking at it.