Conflict at concert stage ruins band fan’s tradition – New York Daily News

Dear Eric: I have been attending local band shows for over two decades and have met a very nice group of people who go to these shows and have developed many nice friendships. For health reasons I normally sit in the chairs at the back, walk around and socialize occasionally and sometimes at intermission I go up to the front of the stage (standing area, unregulated) and socialize and stay for a few songs.

I’m not a wild dancer, I need the cane to keep my balance, I sway to the rhythm.

Recently, a few minutes into the second half, a lady came up to me and rudely told me to leave, that I was in her place. I replied that we were both in front of the stage enjoying the music. A few minutes later, her husband approached me and, very angry, punched me in the face, accused me of hitting his wife with my cane and threatened to beat me if I did not leave immediately.

I tried to explain to him that it was wrong, but he wouldn’t listen, he repeated his threat, so I left. There was no bouncer at the club to call for help.

I was able to call him and leave messages saying I wanted to talk. No response. I’m hesitant to go to another show, I don’t want to have a confrontation. I want to reach an agreement so that there is no threat of violence in the future. Friends told me they would come with me and support me if anything happened. People who know him say to stop calling him and “let it go.”

– A spectator

Dear Viewer: Don’t let this man stop you from having a good time. From what you’ve said, the problem isn’t yours and you shouldn’t spend more time trying to fix it. So let it go but also keep going to shows.

Offer your friends to stand by your side for your own protection and peace of mind. Hopefully this confrontation is a one-time thing, perhaps fueled by alcohol or something else going on in this couple’s lives. You have been attending these shows for 20 years and have developed a community. One of the main functions of the community is to show up for us and support us.

Dear Eric: I have been friends with Teri for over 25 years. We have experienced marriages, divorces, celebrations and condolences when loved ones pass away. Even though we no longer live in the same city, we remain close through emails, texts and phone calls.

The problem is her husband, Bill. He’s a bit vain and no one likes being around him. My husband really doesn’t like Bill and since we don’t live in the same town anymore, it’s usually not a problem.

We are going on a cruise and invited my sister to join us. She extended the invitation to another friend who is also friends with Teri and Bill. My sister asked her friend not to mention the cruise to Teri and Bill because she knows my husband would refuse to go if Bill went.

What should I do if they find out and decide to join us? I don’t want to go with them because I know my husband wouldn’t have fun and frankly neither would I! Should I be honest with Teri and tell her that Bill, and therefore both of us, are ruining our party?

– Sinking ship

Dear Ship: There is a boat full of ifs that need to happen before Teri and Bill board your boat. But if they find out, even if your sister asked her friend not to say anything, and if they decide to come on the trip, and if they ask you to make room on your itinerary, then you should be direct but not mean and tell Teri that you value her friendship, but that you are not vacation friends because of how you feel about Bill.

I’m not saying it’s an easy thing or that it’s going to go well. This probably won’t be the case.

But if you don’t want to go on vacation with Bill and you don’t want to cancel your ticket, then you need to be direct.

However, don’t let your candor be a resounding no. Make it a “no, but.” You can’t forbid them from going on the cruise, nor should you try. But you can ask Teri if there are other ways to be together, whether it’s a visit for both of you or something else. I hope this doesn’t come to any of this and you can enjoy the cruise without having to argue.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

©2026 Tribune Content Agency, LLC.