Do This Quick (and Quiet) Circuit Workout When You Need a Break From Holiday Family Gatherings

The holidays are about rest, relaxation, and eating your weight in reindeer-shaped cookies. Your fitness goals can absolutely wait until the new year. But if you find yourself stuck in a house where someone just said “well, actually” for the third time in ten minutes, and you need to escape to your old bedroom before you say something you’ll regret, here’s a quick (and quiet) bodyweight circuit you can do surrounded by your high school participation trophies.

Circuit training

These are my favorite exercises for beginners to let off steam effectively. Hopefully you have some floor space next to your twin bed.

Closed-door tactical push-ups (10-15 reps)

These are classic push-ups, but you listen carefully to the steps. Has anyone come to ask you why you ran away from the living room? This adds an element of anxious anticipation that really engages your core. Edit on your knees if necessary.

Squats despite (20 reps)

Do deep squats while internally composing the perfect rebuttal you’ll never say. Feel the burn in your quads and your restraint. Make sure to push your hips back until your thighs are parallel to the floor, trying to keep your knees bent at 90 degrees and in line with your toes. Bonus points if you can do it quietly enough that no one downstairs hears the creaking floorboards.

Frustration Lunges (10 per leg)

Jump out of your bed and over to your old dresser (the one still covered in stickers, right?). Consider each crack as representing a point in the argument that you nobly choose not to make. You don’t avoid conflict; you are the bigger person. And stronger glutes!

Remember, when you lunge, keep your front knee over your ankle, not your toes. Keep your torso straight and your core engaged.

Diplomatic plank hold (30-60 seconds)

Hold a plank while thinking about how you became the most emotionally mature person in your family. It’s harder than it seems, both physically and existentially. If you have to get down on your knees after 20 seconds, that’s no problem: you’re still doing better than the conversation downstairs. My best tip for keeping your body in a straight line is to engage your glutes more than you think.

Passive-aggressive climbers (30 seconds)

Fast, quiet climbers that let you blow off steam without making enough noise to alert anyone that you’re angry – leave the family gathering. Imagine running away from the discussion, but staying put, in silence, on the soil of your childhood.

Peacekeeper Glute Bridges (15-20 reps)

Lie on your back (hey, you’re already thinking about taking a nap anyway), with your feet flat and lift those hips. Every bridge allows you to rise above the drama. You literally rise up. Metaphorically and gluteally.

Zen Bike Crunches (20 total)

Finish with bicycle crunches while pretending to pedal away from the whole situation. Alternate elbow with opposite knee and find your center.

Cool

Sit on the edge of your too-small bed, breathe deeply, feeling virtuously exercised and slightly guilty for abandoning your family. Check your phone. Consider going back down. Listen to a raised voice mention “fake news” or “snowflake” or whatever the talk is today. Take another round.