Grandson embezzled more than $100,000 – Chicago Tribune

Dear Eric: I have a 10 year single relationship. My girlfriend continues to communicate with her 50 year old son. Ask him to determine for her what to do in the relationship. She doesn’t want to communicate with me. She tells me one day that she loves me, the next day she doesn’t want to talk.

Should I just end the relationship? I’ve tried to explain to her the things she did to me, but she won’t let me finish the conversation if I continue to explain her actions towards me. Is he a narcissist and should I just end the relationship completely?

– Unloved

Dear Mal-Aimé: First, some follow-up questions to ask yourself. Has it always been like this or is this new? Have you explored couples counseling (obviously, without the son)? Do you think the son’s influence on your girlfriend is more than just intrusive, i.e. emotionally manipulative?

The answers to these questions probably won’t change the answer to your big question, but they may offer some context or options for getting help from your girlfriend.

The big answer remains the same: this relationship isn’t working for you right now and it seems like it’s time to break up. Communication is the cornerstone of a relationship, so if you can’t talk to each other (or she won’t talk to you), it’s hard to see a path forward. Are you happy together? Do you feel valued?

In a relationship, you might not feel swooning and in love every day, but this kind of hot/cold withholding she does is unhealthy and nasty. She is not in the position to be the partner you need.

Dear Eric: My sister and I were never close. My sister, I’ll call her Lydia, has been a pathological liar ever since she learned to speak.

Our mother became terminally ill and could not be left alone. She insisted she would never be placed in a nursing facility long-term. She had the financial capacity to pay for the services of a caregiver to stay with her at home. Mom’s grandson volunteered to stay with her. Due to his macular degeneration, mom gave her grandson access to her financial information and added him as a signatory. Long story short, the grandson embezzled over $100,000.

We have arranged for a state-appointed guardian ad litem to take immediate charge of the finances. The grandson was kidnapped.

Lydia had been a caregiver for over 25 years, so she was hired.

Six months later, Mom died peacefully at home. A few weeks later, I received a phone call from Lydia informing me that she had “accidentally” taken some of Mom’s rings home. She must have known that the guard would take an inventory and find that they were missing. She made up a ridiculous story about how they ended up in her purse. She even went so far as to tell me that she took them to a pawn shop to appraise them.

She told me she would mail them back, which she did. So I went into “no contact” mode, feeling very betrayed by Lydia. A family member told me I should get over it because “we all know how Lydia is.”

I am hurt to be portrayed as the “bad” one in this situation. I’m sure the family has heard Lydia’s version of the truth which probably bears little resemblance to the actual facts. How do you suggest I handle this situation?

– Ring of Truth

Dear ring: This is perhaps the best in a series of bad results. As you suspect, Lydia may have attempted to steal the rings, but that ultimately didn’t happen and the rings are now back.

You can’t control what Lydia does and you can’t control what your family thinks. If you don’t want to talk to him, you don’t have to, but if you opt for “no contact” to teach him a lesson or elicit a change in behavior, you may continue to be frustrated.

I understand that Lydia’s lies and the trauma of catching another relative embezzling your mother’s funds have affected you. I don’t think your answer is unfair or unreasonable. But it will help you to say, “This person can’t help it.”