I was diagnosed with a terminal disease – Chicago Tribune
Dear Eric: I was diagnosed with a terminal disease (ya, it’s ugly) and my prospects are only about year. I left very few people to know. Most are very friendly and united, but a couple has completely withdrew. Do I have to try to connect with them? Or let him go?
I mean, there is nothing that someone can do, but it seems that a kind word could be in order.
– missing friends
Dear friends: I’m sorry to read this news, but I’m happy that you use your time to prioritize the most important connections for you. Sometimes friends and loved ones, even those who have the best intentions, do not know the right thing to do or to say when faced with bad news. It’s human but it is also something that I desperately want that we can put aside. Because time is short and it is better to say: “I don’t know what to say” than to say nothing at all.
You don’t need your friends withdrawn from additional efforts. The question is: do you have to yourself? If you want to make sure you can spend significant moments with these friends, despite their current actions, and if it would take the time you have more special, then you should reach out. Say them: “I feel like you are taking you off, and I feel sad about it. We have a time limited together; I would like you to introduce yourself, and here is how.”
The goal is to give you everything you need to meet the challenges of this next year. Now, on the other hand, if their behavior has embittered you and will make you difficult times in the near future, then let it go and focus on what lifts you up. It is not a question of preserving friendships. Friendships are what they are and your good memories of the moments you have shared in the past remain to you.
Dear Eric: I am a retired homosexual at the end of the 1960s, and like many gay homs of my age, I got married young and I have children, as well as a little child. My little circle of friends is younger and still works, and many have never been in relation to a woman.
I listen to the diatribes of my friend at their workplace, the drop in parents’ health and relationship problems, and during our next meeting, will ask you “how is your mom”, or “Did this job problem been solved?” I establish constant visual contact with anyone who speaks to me and felt me as if I am a good friend.
Then I could tell them something about my children or my grandson, and their eyes froze, or worse, remove their phone when I tell them about my life. On several occasions, I just stopped talking in the middle of the sentence and no one noticed. I know the names of their mothers and nieces and nephews and use them in the conversation. These friends never ask how my family is going or even know their names. In a little frustration, I asked two friends once what were the names of my daughter and my grandson, and they seemed offended by the question. Of course, they didn’t know.
I came to the point where I no longer mention my family, and I know that it is not that the friendships are supposed to be. Thoughts or suggestions?
– Strange man
Dear strange man: Although, on the surface, it may seem that your friends do not have a frame of reference for certain parts of your life, which comes down to basic empathy and curiosity. And I hope they have them.
Your friends should want to know the details of your life, even if they do not share the same experiences. Your friends should care about what is important to you. They may not always keep track of names and dates, but if you speak and they are not careful, this is a problem.
From your story, it seems that you are conscientious to your group. This can be a rewarding way to engage in friendship, and it can also be a burden. The latter because what you will have to do is say more explicitly to your friends how to present yourself for you.
It seems that you have already pointed out that you feel that they are not paying attention to you. You can ask for this to change, in a concrete way. But, if this is not the case, it could be an indication that friendships are no longer very suitable for you.
I don’t know if there is part of you who feel that you should settle down, but if there are any, try to calm him down. Or, better still, have it silenced. Your life experiences make you. You don’t have to modify them to attract the attention of your friends.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askinric.com or Po Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and register for his weekly newsletter at Rercthomas.com.)
