I’m worried my autistic son is going to struggle socially in his new school | Life and style

My son begins Secondary school in September. He is the only child in his primary transition to A selective high school. He has always fought against friendships and I feel This is due to its autism. He’s high-Cademically attacking. I don’t want him to change who he is or felt as if he couldn’t be himself. At the same time, I know that he can be exposed and crushing when he is so focused on his own interests.

He has just been invited to one of the birthday parties of his new classmates. He was shocked and Recognizing to be invited, and it was heartbreaking. I don’t want him to be isolated in his new school and I don’t know how to help him be ready and open to a brand new social framework. I would really appreciate any help or advice you could give.

It is wonderful that you are so thoughtful, and I am sure that your son appreciates having a father who considers his feelings. Most parents, whether their children are neurotypical or not, are worried about the great change of primary school in secondary school.

I went to the children and adolescents recorded by the UKCP Lucy Fuller and the National Autistic Society (NAS) which provided useful links (see below). Fuller thought that the fact that your son was invited to this party shows: “He is kept in mind before he even begins in his new school, which is something special. Whether he leaves or not, he has already established contact with someone with whom he will start high school. ” That it seems happy is a very good sign and I hope he goes to the party.

Each autistic person is different, but what is important is that your son feels that he can be himself. It is difficult for everyone who starts at school because adolescents are ready to want to integrate. As if to be a standoffish when concentrated, it is not so unusual among young people. Children can feel isolated with regard to their feelings, so it is important that your son realizes that each child who starts school – no matter how they show up – will be nervous; Each child (and new teacher) will be lost in school; And everyone makes mistakes – that’s how we develop as people.

Fuller recommends that your son visit the school, if he has not already done so. And if he did it, that you find a good time to discuss “what it was for him, what saw or heard that interested him? What made him anxious?” Children like practical details, so an overview can help. What will his new mornings look like? What will be the schedules? How will he get to school? Where will he put his things? Some people I know with autistic children find photos of new places can help.

Fuller said: “As he is a brilliant student, it is also good to tell him about how class work will be more interesting and more difficult, and it will be a positive part of the transition.” She asked: “Are there clubs or activities where he can comfortably establish relationships with smaller groups?”

The NAS suggests contacting the school to find out if they operate a system of “friend by peers”, someone who can be twinned with your son who is already at school, at least during the first weeks. They also recommend that you read the Parent Guide for Transitions from the School of Autistic Education.

“There will be other students with autism diagnosed (and not diagnosed),” adds Fuller. “And you can question the school specific support for your son, who should include places and people to whom he can go when he needs support or feels outdated.”

Every child I have ever known has had a hiccup at school, but the important thing is that your son has a committed father who can help him on these bumps in a way that helps him to grow. I would also ask how your time at school was because it can be a particularly trigger trigger – and I use the recommended word – time for parents. Make sure to separate your anxieties from your son.

NAS has a dedicated section of parents and caregivers on their online community where parents can ask questions, share experiences and establish links. It is free to access and join.

Know the resources for autistic adolescents helps them explore their identity and their interest: autism.org.uk/advice-and-uridance/topics/resources-for-autistic-teenagers

Each week, Annalisa Barbieri addresses a personal problem sent by a reader. If you want Annasaa advice, please send your problem to ask.annalisa@theguardian.com. Analisa regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence. Submissions are subject to Our terms and conditions. Annasa’s latest series of the podcast is available here.