My bestie is a modern-day pen pal – Chicago Tribune
Dear Eric: My best is a modern pen. That is to say, I know him only on social networks. But we have had so many beautiful conversations in the past decade, until recently.
He lives in another country, where personal freedom is strongly protected. I recently told her how bad things here in the United States – not how bad they could be, but how bad they are. Troops in the street, politically motivated layoffs, racism and more. He replied that he was not interested in any news.
The country of my friend was decimated during the Second World War, and the generation of my parents did not remain lazily. They fought to release his ancestors and help rebuild his nation, which I would do if it happened to his country now.
I no longer want to chat with him because I have the impression that he does not care about what happens to us. I don’t know if I should ghost it or explain why I get out of the way. I don’t think I can change my mind. He seems to be sincerely not interested. I have been stressing on this subject for days.
– Disappointed
Dear disappointed: Not worrying about the news is a perverse type of “luxury” (quotes very firmly in place). Do not care does not prevent the news from performing and around you. What is this quote from one of the “Pirates of the Caribbean” films? “You better start to believe in ghost stories, Miss Turner. You are in one.” The pirates get it.
Although I don’t think your friend’s position is productive, it’s useful for you to think about what your friend really wants. Are you looking for significant political action? Is there anything that he can do in his country that will have a direct impact on what is happening in the United States? Or do you want someone to compute and recognize the anxiety and uncertainty you feel? I suspect it is the latter. And, if so, you can tell him – “I feel upset by the way the world is working at the moment and as ani, I would like you to listen to. Can you do this? “
Dear Eric: Our niece (my husband’s daughter of my husband) awaits her first child. Although we are very happy for her, the way she announced her news, and some of her past actions, affected my feelings towards her because they had touched me directly, my husband and our children.
This niece announced its pregnancy to us (via FaceTime, because it does not live locally) during a family anniversary dinner which took place for the combined birthdays of her father and our son. Although my brother-in-law may have agreed to share his birthday with the announcement of his daughter, our son was not warned or his say on how the events took place. Apparently, everyone at dinner knew the pregnancy of our niece and how she had to announce it, except for us.
To add the insult, the “present” birthday that our niece gave to his cousin was a lottery lottery ticket which, once our son, had scratched, said “we are pregnant”.
This niece does not often go because of work, but when it does, and they are always ephemeral visits, it has never shown us, but said to her father, her sister, her grandparents and her friends. We do not know that she is in town until she has already arrived, about to leave or after she has already left. We have asked our niece repeatedly to advance us also, whenever she plans to visit, but she still does not do.
Now, my mother-in-law has announced that she would organize a baby shower for this niece, to which I will be invited, and I will hesitate to introduce myself to someone who seems to have little respect for me or my family. My plan is to refuse the presence in search of the official invitation but to send a small gift. At that time, I will also explain to my mother-in-law only why I will not participate. I am interested in your thoughts.
– Aunt excluded
Dear aunt: Although you certainly have no obligation to go to the shower, I am not sure that the decline and writing your mother-in-law of your grievances will solve your problem. Instead, it is more likely to shoot it unnecessarily in a conflict that does not imply it.
Even if she asks you why you are declining, I do not see how it uses you to enter the nitty-Gritty with her, rather than saying “I cannot make it work”.
You should decide, however, if a conversation with your niece about your differences will lead you anywhere. If you want to have a closer relationship to move forward and see a path to do it, it is worth choping your expectations and understanding. It seems that some of what she does may not be intentionally rude, even if it comes in this way. Talking about it directly could help.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askinric.com or Po Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and register for his weekly newsletter at Rercthomas.com.)
