Raw milk, tomahawk steak and a cuddly toy: could I handle Erling Haaland’s daily routine? | Life and style
A.milk, LED light treatment, tomahawk steak and a stuffed animal. They seem more suited to the treadmill of The Generation Game than the daily routine of a Premier League star, but these are some of the things Manchester City and Norway striker Erling Haaland attributes to his success.
Haaland recently shared the routine that he says keeps him at the top of his game on and off the pitch, but what would that do for a Guardian journalist? Could this provide insight into how to match Haaland’s incredible physique, boyish looks that belie her real age (25) and reported net worth of over £50million? It was time to find out – for a day at least.
The morning is supposed to start with a simple cup of coffee, a little raw milk and a sweetener. Which doesn’t sound so bad. But after opening the carton of milk, I realize that it will not be an infusion to enjoy. Hard, curdled drops of fat sit on top and a pungent scent wafts from the bottle. I reluctantly pour the milk into my coffee and soon an oily film settles on it.
The taste is bearable but the swirly spots are off-putting. I can’t stand more than a few sips.
Haaland is known for drinking two full glasses of raw milk a day, so on a whim, I drink a glass of it all by myself. Never again. Luckily, this is followed by a reliable breakfast staple: fried eggs and sourdough toast.
Haaland’s daily routine also includes a rather intimate assisted stretching session, an ice bath and time in front of a red light therapy machine. Unfortunately, his Mario masseur is not available to contort my legs. But Ingrid Raphael, beautician, knows how to give me LED light therapy treatment.
Like Haaland, I also have a roommate shaped like a giant teddy bear. We catch up with some traitorous celebs before leaving for my session.
I have to admit I was skeptical about the LED light therapy treatment before going in, but there must be a secret behind the footballer’s youthful appearance. Raphael, who says he’s seen more men coming for treatment, suggests that might be the case. “I think it’s a silver bullet, period. Its ability to help with aging is absolutely unmatched,” she says.
After cleaning my face and placing pads over my eyes, LED lights of different colors illuminate my face. A gentle warmth develops and, with my eyes closed, I walk away and imagine myself on a beach.
Soon the treatment is over and I leave the clinic beaming. I have to say I’m impressed. I’m getting closer to having skin as beautiful as Haaland’s.
For the last part of his day, I’m making dinner and it’s going to be a big dinner. I prepare a large, juicy 770g tomahawk steak. I hope that after finishing it I can run out of the house and steal the show at my local football pitch.
After sprinkling the steak with a little special flaky salt, I put it on the grill for 10 minutes. It’s time to eat. I can only manage four or five bites before feeling slightly dizzy. It seems I haven’t seen the last of raw milk. It’s coming back in force.
In football parlance, drinking it turned out to be an own goal.
