Parents worry about college-age son’s ‘junk’ diet – New York Daily News

Dear Eric: Our son, who is in college, started losing his hair in high school. It could be genetic, but it doesn’t run in the family. Even though he’s skinny, he eats terribly. He fills up on junk food, juice and soda. Sometimes he doesn’t eat anything.

When he lived at home, I could influence at least some of what he ate, but he always denied anything was wrong. Her pediatrician (a man, for what that’s worth) always dismissed my concerns. I helped him find a new doctor when he turned 18, but now that he’s an adult, there’s even less I can do.

We know he’s not happy with his appearance. My husband tried to sweet talk her into talking with her doctor specifically about her hair and how it relates to her diet and potentially an underlying health issue. As a side note, our son has sometimes consulted a counselor at school on unrelated matters when we have suggested it, so he doesn’t always reject our advice out of hand, like he does with this one.

If he liked the way he looked and it was completely clear that it wasn’t a health issue, we would leave him alone. But given the circumstances, should we still leave him alone?

– Worried mother

Dear Mother: Right now, the most supportive thing you can do for your son is to continue to listen to him and provide help when asked. He is on a journey with his body – like all of us. And while there are a variety of hair treatments available and many different resources for help with his diet, he must learn to be proactive about them if he wants anything to change. Although it is difficult for parents to see their children feeling comfortable in the dark, this type of independent decision-making is an important part of development.

Lead with curiosity rather than worry whenever possible here. You can ask him about his feelings about himself or his eating habits, but try to focus more on who he is, what he wants, and what’s going on in his life. Spreading his wings in college will help him understand how an adult solves a problem. This problem can be as complex as treating hair loss with a professional, or as simple as “how do I cook my dinner?” »

Dear Eric: I was surprised by your response to “Not the Girlfriend” who wanted the man she described as her boyfriend, in words, to ask her to be his girlfriend (assuming that represents exclusivity). They’ve been together for six weeks and he told her he loved her.

I’m pretty old, but don’t think I’m so old-fashioned to think that six weeks into a relationship is a little too soon to be trying to work things out. She didn’t mention how often they saw each other, but at six weeks, you’re just starting to know someone. Good relationships take time. And she’s already frustrated with the situation. I know there have been successful relationships that worked from the start, but they are rare.

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to know a partner’s interest/seriousness level. But I wonder what his rush is.

Maybe the guy considers her his girlfriend without explicitly saying it. After all, he already said he loved her.

Besides, at six weeks or even earlier, you may certainly feel “in love,” but at this point you are filling in the aspects you don’t yet know about your love interest with qualities you imagine to be true.

– Drive

Dear reader: I am very grateful for this letter. It made me think about the original letter in a new way – and, not for nothing, it made me think for a while about the nature of love, which is always a very beautiful way to spend your time. I agree with you.

I was thinking about the communication problems that many couples have and how often we don’t ask for what we want. Or – one of the most feared obstacles in a relationship – we want our partner to read our minds.

But I haven’t thought enough about where this relationship is in its life cycle and how its relative newness is likely adding to the problems of miscommunication.

At any time, relationships can cause insecurity or simply a desire to know that we are loved in the way we want to be loved. This inner voice asking for reassurance is natural and there’s nothing wrong with it, but it’s not always asking for something external. Sometimes this requires inner work – in self-esteem, in being clear about your own desires, in being happy with yourself. This internal work will only strengthen other relationships.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

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