Pity poor Trump, whose Nobel hopes were dashed by common sense | Dave Schilling

IIn this mortal existence, we all have dreams. As a child, I wanted to be an astronaut, until I discovered there was no Taco Bell on the International Space Station. That’s the problem with dreams: they often lead to cruel disappointments. Such is the fate of President Donald Trump, whose hopes of winning the Nobel Peace Prize were dashed – not by lack of fast food, but by common sense.

The 2025 prize went to Venezuelan opposition leader María Corina Machado, who was barred by her country’s courts from running for president. Machado thanked Trump for accepting the honor, saying she appreciated his support for Venezuelan democratic reform. At least he keeps an eye on democracy somewhere.

Trump may take this as a consolation prize and focus on next year, when the effects of the nascent Gaza peace deal become clear. But losing is for losers, so Maga’s supporters are predictably upset about the whole thing. The Federalist’s Sean Davis said the Nobel was actually “beneath” Trump and “a joke.” If so, I wouldn’t mind never hearing about it again.

Every time I got a C on a test, I told myself that grades are a construct of oppression and that college isn’t really important. “The Man” made me go to school and read about Kant, physics, or plenary authority. Like I even care. Not caring is a superpower in a cruel world that doesn’t care about our feelings or desires. Sometimes the only power we have is to deny self-interest and project indifference. When we lose a game, it’s much easier to deny its legitimacy than to accept failure – like unplugging a PlayStation after being blown up by a landmine in Call of Duty.

This could be the masterstroke of the modern American conservative movement. Lose an election? He must have been deceived. Difficult to justify the deployment of the army on American streets? The enemy is incredibly intelligent and hides. Didn’t you win the peace prize? Alfred Nobel must have been a cuckold, a stupid person and a loser. You might as well unplug the PlayStation, that’s democracy.

Trump’s entire worldview seems predicated on the idea that life is unfair, the system is rigged, and only he can turn the scales back toward justice. This all makes sense as a rhetorical strategy, and it has proven popular in an era when most people view the U.S. government as upright as a bowl of chicken noodle soup. But it doesn’t work very well when his grievances focus almost exclusively on himself and his own personal grievances. Indicting enemies, trying to get late-night talk shows canceled, and complaining about an award that apparently has no value — it’s all starting to get pretty boring, like your mom bringing up the time Beverly forgot to send a thank you card after her wedding. How many times can you hear about the relatively low cost of shipping before moving on to another topic?

Trump’s approval rating is in the trash. Certainly, I can’t remember the last time a president was consistently popular since 9/11. So maybe this is just the new normal. Or maybe a lot of people are tired of hearing that a particular person is having a bad day (yet again) because they didn’t medal.

Honestly, I would like to hear more about me. I’m incredibly self-centered (I work in media, after all) and desperate for approval. Where is my medal? When will my parade take place? What head of state will subtly roll their eyes when I’m not looking? I wrote this between naps, and it was incredibly difficult to get to work after the first one. When Donald Trump gives a speech, he should speak directly to me. I have needs too, you know? I haven’t done anything to deserve this attention, but I’m asking for it. When developing your domestic policy, you should ask yourself, “How does this affect Dave Schilling?” » “What will Dave think of this?” “Can we name an aircraft carrier after someone whose father served in the Air Force?

And if I don’t get what I want, I’ll say it doesn’t matter. I will find something else to obsess over, a reward that I can easily obtain through intimidation or coercion. I’ll kick a kid in the knees and demand their Little League honorable mention ribbon.

I think it’s finally time for me to get the prize I don’t want, but definitely deserve.