Longtime friend always has to have upper hand in conversation – Chicago Tribune
Dear Eric: I recently had lunch with an old friend. We have known each other for over 50 years and we meet three or four times a year to catch up. On the way back, I realized that every time I was talking about something, my family or something I had done, my friend was expected to “better” with her story. She did not ask a question, just moved the subject to her. Why do people do this? It will not break our friendship, but I will not be the person who stretch my hand afterwards.
– An increase
Dear UPPET: More often than not, I think that this habit is a sign of insecurity or a desire to impress. Or both. It can be boring but, when I meet it, I tend to see it as proof that the person I talk about does not know how to establish an effectively link.
Ask yourself what you want from this friendship. If you only catch up a few times a year, it may be worth reducing the number of interactions. However, if you appreciate the presence of this person in your life, otherwise it is worth saying something before your next lunch.
Dear Eric: I work as a instructor at the community pool where I live. Recently, a guest that I saw several times was at the swimming pool with his spouse, two toddlers and baby.
She and I had always exchanged jokes, so when she went to use the toilet with the baby in her arms while her spouse looked at the children, I asked if she wanted me to hold the baby for her.
She refused graciously and I returned to my tasks. Since then, however, she avoided me. She asks her spouse to check their family with me, no longer speaks to me and redirects her children instantly if they come to me to say “hi” or ask for a bandage or any toddler type in which they want to engage.
Eric, I feel so bad. Although I do not intend to make it uncomfortable, I clearly did it. Should I attack this or stick to my current behavior to be pleasant, but to maintain a polite and professional distance?
– Pool false
Dear swimming pool: It seems to be a simple misunderstanding, so I wouldn’t fight if I were you. But the polished and professional distance will be the best option. And more specifically, it seems that this is what she is looking for.
If you had a closer relationship, I suggest you say to him: “I think I have offended you in one way or another and I want to do things. But no more conversation seems contrary to what she is looking for at the moment. Who knows, it may not be at all about you or interaction. Staying in your way could be the best option both out of the pool.
Dear Eric: As a retirement hospice aumnier, I would like to comment on the recent letter from the person who suffers from a final disease, and by extension, all those who could feel isolated from friends and / or family due to a difficult health situation (“wanting a company”). First of all, I hear you. You are always the same person you have always been. You are looking for quality time with those who want you to worry the most, but they distance themselves.
Now, I approach those who read this who hesitate to visit. Not knowing what to do or saying is not a reason not to see them. Just introduce yourself and soon, either by calling or visiting. Of course, contact them first for when it is practical to visit. Bring a prepared meal or two. If you ask how they go, know that they can say “ugly”, as the writer has done. Don’t say, “Is there something I can do for you?” Be rather specific. Examples: “I want to visit next week at your convenience and / or bring you some meals. I am available to take you to your next appointment with the doctor. I can go shopping for you, sort your mail, etc.” Then follow if they accept your kindness.
Finally, listen carefully and without judgment so that they feel free to share what is in their minds. Know that everything they tell you or don’t tell you, it’s ok. It is also very good to hold the hand and sit with them in silence for a while, taking your bearings. According to my experience, attending those who are seriously ill can enrich your two lives.
– Business
Dear business: These steps are so beautifully put and so clear. Often, we think we don’t know what to do when friends and loved ones are sick or suffering. But the answer is deeply human: be there, say: “I don’t know.” Say: “I’m here.”
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askinric.com or Po Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and register for his weekly newsletter at Rercthomas.com.)
