The 4-Word Trick to Saying a Great Goodbye 

Say goodbye to abrupt departures, that awkward “stay or go” dance, and hovering anxiously (and visibly) by the door.

There’s an art to saying goodbye to your host, even if you’re leaving earlier than expected, and experts say it’s a skill that can come in handy at any gathering, at any time of year.

Here’s exactly what to say when saying goodbye.

An infallible formula

Researchers have a name for ending an interaction: “leaving behavior,” which encompasses all the verbal and nonverbal ways you signal that you’re saying goodbye. There are two main components to any good outing, says Amy Arias, a lecturer in communications at the University of Nevada, Reno, who specializes in interpersonal communication.

The first is an exit statement, also called a start statement. Here are some short, precise words that make it clear that you are leaving: “Let’s go!” » Or: “It’s time!” »

“It’s important not to over-explain,” says Arias. “You don’t use qualifiers or hedges, so no expressions like ‘It’s probably time to go’ or ‘We should probably go,’ because that then opens you up to say, ‘No, no, no, so-and-so is going to make a toast’ or ‘Oh, wait, we haven’t got the cake out yet.’ » » It is not necessary to provide a reason for leaving, such as telling your friend that you need to replace the babysitter. If you do this, you give them the opportunity to try to convince you to stay. (“Just pay your sitter a few dollars more! She’ll love the money!”) Next thing you know, it’s 45 minutes later and… you’re still here.

Learn more: 8 Polite Ways to Refuse a Party Invitation

The second part of saying goodbye is expressing your gratitude to the host, which requires two more simple, succinct words. Arias usually goes for: “Amazing party!” » Or: “This is so fun!”

Although you can change the order of your exit statement and expression of gratitude, Arias finds it especially easy to end with your appreciation. “It’s helpful because it takes the focus away from me leaving and back to the host: ‘You did such a wonderful job, and it was so delicious,'” she says. “By ordering it like this, it ends the conversation when I leave.”

As you say goodbye – “Slip away!” Nice meeting! » – also keep your nonverbal behavior in mind, advises Arias. Smile, nod, and maybe put your hands in the air to indicate there’s nothing you can do, that it’s just time to leave, she says. These tactics “allow us to emphasize and complement what we’re saying verbally to really reinforce that message.”

If you want to add a little lightness…

Good manners and etiquette expert Richie Frieman likes to add an extra touch of personality to his send-offs – and humor is his favorite way to do it. Among his favorite lines: “I’ll RSVP for this party at my workout class at 8 a.m. tomorrow” and “I’ll leave before I go to the buffet for round five.” »

“Humor breaks the ice of awkwardness a little,” he says. “It’s also a compliment: ‘I ate so much, I loved the cake, that crab dip was so good.’ When people host an event or party, they want to know that the people they invited enjoyed it.

Frieman also found that this quip is well received: “As my grandfather always said, ‘If you yawn, you’re gone.’ »

“It’s a funny way of saying, ‘Look, man, I’m tired,’” he says. “It’s a cheeky way to get a smile from the host before leaving.”

Is it ever okay to leave without saying goodbye?

Communication and etiquette experts thought sneaking out without saying goodbye was rude. But the tide is turning. These days, Arias says, some people even post signs at their wedding reception giving people permission to leave whenever they want. It might read: “When you are ready to leave, feel free to go. The bride and groom are enjoying their celebration and appreciate your presence here.” It can feel liberating, she adds, because guests don’t have to worry about tracking down the newlyweds and “disrupting the flow” of the party.

Learn more: 9 Things to Say When Someone Asks You Why You Don’t Drink

“There’s no universal yes or no” about whether a quick, unannounced departure is acceptable, “but the trend is toward, ‘Yes, they’re fine, and sometimes they’re very appropriate,'” Arias says. However, if you choose to disappear into the night, you should still send a follow-up message like a text message or, if it’s a business meeting, an email. Keep it short and to the point: “I had to introduce myself, but the party was amazing. Thanks for including me.” “That way, when the host or hostess comes back to reality after cleaning and decompressing, they’ll see this cute message about how much fun you had,” she says. “They probably didn’t even notice you ran away.”

There is, however, an important caveat: these exits do not work in all situations. You can only pull one off if you’re part of a large crowd, not one of eight people at a dinner party. “If it’s a small group and you walk through the door, people will notice,” Frieman says. “Context matters.” In these situations, just remember that four magic words are enough and you will be on your way.