The one change that worked: I stood up to my inner critic and I’ve never looked back | Life and style

I I would like to be able to say that if my teenager had a window to the future, she would be proud of the person I have become. But, in truth, I think she wouldn’t like her as much as she didn’t want to hate herself. At the time, I could have spoken for hours of all the reasons why I hated the person I was. And it was not something I thought would change. I was completely consumed by my inner criticism: the critical voice in my head was much stronger than all rational thoughts or words of affirmation that others offered me.

I had a food disorder. Each day was a monotonous cycle of the exercise as much as possible and to eat as little as I could get away. I was miserable, and it was because of the cage that I had built in my own mind. It is not something unique to people with diet. I realized, after sharing my online story that so many people have this nasty voice in their heads, criticizing each of their movements. And that when you start talking, your life improves in a way you are not expecting.

Before I know that I was controlled by my inner criticism, I took everything he said as a fact. My self -esteem was so weak. I would stay in front of the mirror and the insult dam would begin: ugly, fatty, useless, unquestionable, inequal, disgusting. If someone had told me these words every day, I am sure that I would have recognized it as intimidation. But coming from my own mind, they felt justified and precise.

But one day, standing in front of the mirror of my room, I realized that it was only a voice. This voice that took such a pleasure in reminding me of how ineffective I was, it was not really mine. It was a separate entity for me. Suddenly everything has changed. Whenever I noticed that my inner criticism called me lazy and unproductive, I started to defend myself. I said to myself: “In fact, I don’t need to do anything now, I deserve to rest”. If it called me ugly, I remember that I didn’t need to be so hard with myself.

Over the past five years, I have tried to say beautiful things about me in my head until neutral self-discourse is normal. It hurts to know how bad I was for me. I feel incredibly sad for this version of me.

Although I sometimes had to remember not being self -criticism, my inner criticism has escaped. Therapy and the newspaper helped me find joy in self -acceptance. I can make a mistake and instead of reprimanding myself, I can reassure myself. I no longer shrink to please my inner criticism, I learned to defend myself. I now know that just because you think something that doesn’t make it true.

How to talk to you by Ro Mitchell is published by BlueBird. To support the Guardian, order your copy on Guardianbookshop.com. Delivery costs can be applied.