How to get over your ex: A simple trick

A long time ago, when I was single, I lamented—as those in the midst of unrequited love are wont to do—to a few friends in a group chat.

It was one of those situations where I was tired of hearing (or reading, so to speak) myself talk about this unrequited love, so I knew my friends must have gotten tired of me talking about it too. It’s to the point that I’ve even restricted myself from talking about this person with my therapist for fear that she’ll become tired of the subject, even though I pay her to listen to my problems.

“Sorry to bring this up again, but…” has become a recurring refrain on iMessage and in real life.

My friends, being the angels that they are, didn’t complain about my “backtracking” on this issue or trying to figure out why this relationship imploded. At the same time, they didn’t really know how to help me.

Until one day one of my colleagues at the time made a suggestion to me that I would never forget.

“Dude,” she said via text, “Just write a list of all the ways they suck. It really helps.”

It was so simple, and yet it had never crossed my mind before. I suggest this as something to add to your “tool belt for overcoming someone who doesn’t deserve your heartbreak”, in addition to blocking social media and distracting yourself with movies or TV.

Writing a list of someone’s faults may seem little. And that’s because it is – but when you’re heartbroken, a simple exercise in dealing with your pettiness without actually reaching out to the person who deserves said pettiness is a victory. When I want to text someone to tell them how bad they are, how much they hurt me! A wonderfully unique, sexy, well-paid person – am I actually texting her?

No. No. It would be embarrassing and would only exacerbate the grief. Instead, I type it furiously in my Notes app or, better yet, I text it to my own number.

Writing a list of your ex’s faults is another iteration of this. You release your rage in a flurry of bullet points, about how, in reality, this person’s breath smells, and they don’t change their sheets often enough, and they have terrible taste in music. By writing it down, you don’t bottle up your emotions, but you also don’t involve the other person. You still care about this person, but the key is that you don’t let them know.

There is evidence that keeping a journal helps manage stress and anxiety. Just getting your feelings out of your head helps – it’s one of the reasons talk therapy is so helpful for many. They become tangible, more real. Furthermore, write by hand saves what you write in memory more than typing it. Although the Notes app is my go-to for lists – to-do lists, grocery lists – a “fault list” is fun to write in a journal. Or both! Go crazy!

Besides, there’s nothing wrong with playing improve out of spite. It’s petty. This is silly and probably won’t “cure” you of your affliction overnight. But at least it’s a step in the right direction: realizing that this person doesn’t deserve your love. So grab your favorite pen and Muji notebook and start writing.

This article was originally published in 2020 and updated in 2026.