Why it’s so hard to accept a compliment : NPR

abdulmanannet77@gmail.comAugust 2, 2025

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Why it’s so hard to accept a compliment : NPR

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Love your outfit! Great presentation! Cool glasses! When someone praises you, do you accept it? Or dismiss it?

Your reaction says a lot about how you feel about yourself, and it can affect how the other person feels too, say researchers.

Social psychologist Erica Boothby and behavioral scientist Xuan Zhao explain the science of compliments — and make the case for accepting someone’s kind remarks about you.

Many of us are bad at taking compliments.

We deflect, negate, freeze up and sometimes visibly cringe.

When there’s a disconnect between how we see ourselves and how others see us, that can be uncomfortable, says Erica Boothby, a social psychologist.

Compliments can be especially challenging for people who struggle with self-esteem, says Xuan Zhao, a behavioral scientist. They may feel like they don’t deserve the praise. On the other hand … “High self-esteem people have an easier time receiving compliments because it’s consistent with how they perceive themselves," says Zhao.

Culture can be a factor too, Zhao says. For example, in some Asian cultures, accepting a compliment can make you look boastful or overconfident.

However, here in the United States, compliments are seen as an unconditional gift, Zhou says. The giver is not expecting you to …
... praise them back
… justify their compliment
… pay them back in another way

Declining a compliment can also make the giver feel rejected.

Even if it feels hard, there are good reasons to accept a compliment. Studies have shown that genuine praise makes you feel happier.

ZHAO talking: “When you receive a compliment, the reward circuit of your brain lights up, as if you were receiving money.” Zhao says.

The same goes for giving compliments, Zhao says. “It helps you see the good things around you better.”

Even if it feels hard, there are good reasons to accept a compliment. Studies have shown that genuine praise makes you feel happier.

ZHAO talking: “When you receive a compliment, the reward circuit of your brain lights up, as if you were receiving money.” Zhao says.

The same goes for giving compliments, Zhao says. “It helps you see the good things around you better.”

If you often find yourself dismissing praise, Boothby says to ask yourself: “Why am I reacting this way?”

If the spirit moves you, you might try paying a genuine compliment to someone else.

If you’re worried it might make someone feel awkward, Zhou’s research shows it lands better than you think.

Boothby and Zhou share advice on …

How to give a great compliment

Be specific. Say exactly what you liked and how it had a positive impact on you. It can make the compliment feel more genuine.
Do it in private if you think a person might feel shy about getting praised in public.
Be sincere. Don’t mince your words or try to pass off your praise as a joke.
Don't hold back for fear of saying exactly the right thing, the right way, at the right time.

This comic was edited by visual editor Beck Harlan. We’d love to hear from you. Leave us a voicemail at 202-216-9823, or email us at LifeKit@npr.org.

Listen to Life Kit on Apple Podcasts and Spotify, and sign up for our newsletter.

abdulmanannet77@gmail.comAugust 2, 2025

0 1 Less than a minute

abdulmanannet77@gmail.com

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