Use Summer Break to Build Closer Bonds with Your Children

Children have so much to manage during the school year. Social pressures, school works and countless activities before and after school, such as sports, music and clubs, are all sources of great emotions and confusing behavior.

In addition to that, many are dealing with depression, anxiety and other mental health challenges. Three out of four high school students say they feel stress throughout the school year, and 50% of middle school students say the same thing. Emotional distress often feeds depression and anxiety; 20 to 30% of young people say they feel them at some point. For many children, summer is not a break only compared to academics but among all other stressors that can challenge their well-being. The routine is just as important during the summer as during the school year, but making room for downtime gives parents a golden opportunity to establish more solid relationships with their children so that they can be more aware, more capable and ready to respect the new school year in confidence. Here are some tips to open these communication lines, to use curiosity to find out more about what your child feels and lives and to create a deeper link. That being said, if your child shows signs of self -control or suicidality, call 988; Or contact your local chapter Alliance National Alliance On Mental (Nami) for more specialized help.

Stay calm during collapses

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Say your teenager wants to go out with friends, but they will be too late for your comfort. If they have an explosion – “You never let me go out with my friends! It’s like you don’t care what it makes me feel!” – It is easy to jump into the argument: “Of course, I care about you. You will be too late. You can’t go.” It’s final. ” Take a deep inspiration. Do not take it personally. Think about their feelings and offer an alternative: “You are turned upside down because you cannot go out with your friends, and I understand that it is difficult for you. But we both agreed that staying at 10 p.m. will not work, so we can find an alternative, so that you can see them and be at home at a time when we can agree? Or: “I see how much you want to go out with your friends. Can you help me understand why this outing is particularly important?”

Our emotions can affect our interactions with our children, so when you have a moment, ask you what past experiences could have influenced my reaction to my child? What do I feel and can I name these feelings in conversation with my child? What fears do I have who could lead me to react strongly and support myself less to my child?

Listen actively when they talk

Active listening is important to communicate with our children. We don’t only hear their words, but noting body language, the words they use, positive and negative behaviors and any other sign that they may have trouble finding the right words.

Say your child has trouble going to school: “I hate it. Everyone makes fun of me.”

What else do they do? Shake with their shirt? By diverting the elsewhere? Maybe fighting tears? These are signs of anxiety, distress and possibly avoidance. This is another excellent opportunity to think, but also to use their physical answers to guide your answers. “The school was difficult this year and you have trouble finding the words to describe it. You don’t feel safe and comfortable there. Let’s work together to understand how to make it safer. ”

Active listening does not mean that you agree or tolerate the other person’s thoughts or behaviors, but you rather try to understand their points of view and the underlying values ​​and emotions linked to these opinions.

Beyond the simpler reflections, those that explore what your child means or what he feels-perhaps you suggest that their distress of not being able to go out with his friends is rooted in the insecurity that they will not be invited next time. Anyway, when you take the time to actively listen, you show your child that you will not close their feelings and that if they open more, you can start understanding the underlying values ​​and thoughts that motivate their actions and reactions.

Record regularly

We tend to check with our children when they feel something negative – mastery, anxiety, sadness, pain – but find time to make a conversation when things are good, when emotions are weak, help meet their need for social connection and positive attention. It is difficult, because when our children seem well, it looks like mental holidays of the more difficult work of parenting, but asking them how things go when everything seems to be going well can be an effective tool for connection, to be present and show that you see them in all their moods. In addition, this can be an excellent overview of what could cause these feelings and negative behaviors on the road.

Doing this can be as simple as an impromptu ice cream an afternoon, a quick conversation at the bedside before saying good night, or noticing a positive emotion: “What’s behind that smile? What makes you feel good right now?” Sometimes the best way to reach your child is to remind them that you notice what is different when you have the opportunity to talk to them. “You have been a lot in your room lately. What’s going on? I’m still here to talk when you’re ready. “

It is important to provide attention to your child when it is not in distress or demonstration concerning behavior. It is difficult for many parents. We are all busy and when there is a weak emotion expressed or without any behavioral problem with our children, it is our time as parents to take a mental vacation of the hard work of parenting. However, this is exactly the time that caregivers should be careful.

In addition, the structure, routine and predictable hours are not only means for parents to follow the hectic hours of their children, but it has also been shown that improving sleep, physical health, mood, anxiety and academic success. Summer is an ideal moment to join your child to share the determination of the responsibilities and activities necessary to establish, and also to ensure that they have activities that have a meaning.

Allow children to express their emotions

Our children will make mistakes, show distress, will have unnecessary reactions to situations or in disagreement with our advice. Kiss this; These exhibitions are an excellent opportunity to discuss, solve problems in collaboration and to practice health adaptation strategies – when things are a little quieter. After strong emotions and answers, give children a brief break in a safe space before diving.

Ask them to label their emotions. Reflect and check the others.

“Thank you for letting me know that you are afraid, is there anything else you are feeling right now?”

Use a digital scale or a “thermometer” to help them explain the intensity of their feelings and add comparisons that the child will understand. For a child who loves football, a 10 could be the feeling when his team wins, and a 1 when he loses against a bitter rival. Once you understand these feelings, help them with some adaptation skills – deep breathing, things that relax them, a soothing activity. And use them yourself; Moddle the behavior you want your child to adopt.

One thing we use therapeutically to encourage adaptation is the stop method.

• Stop what you do when you feel a strong emotion

• Take a break in the situation

• Observe what you feel and what you think

• Plan / proceed to the use of a skill

In the end, parenting is difficult and it will never be perfect, but taking the time this summer to think about the year, integrate new skills and strategies to improve your interactions with your child and practice these habits, you can help your child in emotional regulation and navigation of stress factors before the start of the next school year. More importantly, you have a great intuition and know your child in a way that no one else does, so have fun, be curious and express your love by offering a safe and united space so that your child shares, treats and prosperous.

If you need help

If you or someone you know, you have trouble or have suicide thoughts, help is available. Call or send an SMS to 988 suicide & Crifeline Crifeline at 988 or use the line online Lauses line cat.