When ‘How are you?’ becomes a painful question to answer | Cancer
It’s not just Germans like Carolin Würfel (December 16) who face a challenge with the question “How are you?” » When I was diagnosed with metastatic prostate cancer, this question went from a simple conversation to something much more delicate.
The convention, at least in Britain, is to answer something like “Oh, not bad…”. Frankly, things are very bad, so I’m stuck between the dishonesty of the ritual response and the full truth, which is a lot to throw back at someone offering an innocent greeting. I’ve developed the more nuanced response, “Very good today,” which I use if I’m doing really well in the overall context of things.
Some days are downright crappy, in which case it’s hard to know what to say, but the rest of the time I try to respond in terms of my “new normal.” Some days I still experience joyful events and optimistic feelings, in which case I would expand to a “pretty good today,” but I always feel compelled to add the word “today” for the sake of honesty about the future.
Marc Cottle
Maesygwartha, County of Monmouthshire
