As an Indian-Italian, there are a few topics I consider myself an expert on: Living with one’s parents way past the point of it being socially acceptable.
The Masala Margarita pie at Onion Tree Pizza Co (plus a side of dosa batter onion rings).
Whatever the opposite of volume control is.
And New York City’s mayoral race between Andrew Cuomo, an Italian, and Zohran Mamdani, an Indian.
Ever since this race heated up, I’ve had a little Indian guy on one shoulder and an Italian on the other giving me their non-volume-controlled opinions. Let’s call them Vinay and Vinnie.
They both care about family loyalty and are reminding me of my personal connection to each candidate.
My Bronx-Italian father, a journalist, got to know Mario Cuomo well from covering him in Albany during his time as governor of New York. A photo of the two hangs in my childhood home.
On the other, equally abrasive side of my family tree are my Indian grandparents, who split their time between the Upper East Side and Delhi where their friends the Nairs lived. My mom and their daughter Mira Nair roomed together in school.
Now Mario and Mira’s sons are running against each other.
It should come as no surprise that the Indian in me is pulling for Zohran Mamdani, who I immediately found to be a smart, thoughtful badass when I met him at a family function in Delhi while we were both in college.
Not to mention that I’m beyond tired of Kash Patel, Vivek Ramaswamy and Nikki Haley making it seem like all Indian politicians must act like MAGAhatma Gandhi.
Zohran, on the other hand, is fighting for the little guy: His policies include free public buses, alleviating the cost of childcare, and city-run grocery stores.
I give Cuomo some credit for courting the Indian vote, though. Our yogis are impressed by his ability to tie himself in knots claiming he supports a $20 minimum wage. Moral flexibility is still flexibility.
But many of us do believe in reincarnation. And if karma does exist, the actions of Cuomo’s previous political life have not earned him a promotion in this one.
Then there’s my Italian side. Opposite the guru sits the goombah.
And he’s telling me loudly (obviously) and clearly that there is only one candidate who our community should support: Zohran Mamdani.
Sure, Zohran may go with gobi over gabagool, but in a race about values, he should be every paisan’s primary pick.
The Italian men in my life were not without their flaws: Hot-headedness, bravado, and some other traits that this publication’s word limit prevents me from getting into.
But if there’s one thing they would not tolerate, it was disrespect towards women.
Andrew Cuomo, as most people know, is accused of sexually harassing numerous women.
What’s richer than fettuccine Alfredo is Cuomo’s defense: He blamed his actions on being Italian. “Cultural behavioral differences.”
Our community hasn’t felt this betrayed since Chris Pratt was cast to play Mario.
It’s true that every Italian has used that excuse once or twice, like when my dad’s relatives asked if his marriage to an Indian woman would result in kids that look like “zebras.”
But to justify sexual harassment? The stugots on this guy.
While the abhorrent actions that led Cuomo’s fall should alone be disqualifying, there’s also the matter of policy. Like affordable housing.
My Italian grandmother Josephine Borsellino (who did not make the zebra comment but probably found it funny) spent the last 56 years of her life, most of them as a widow, living in the Parkside housing project in the Bronx.
Zohran has put affordable housing front and center, pledging to build over 200,000 new affordable rent-stabilized homes, like the one that allowed my grandmother to live comfortably on a limited income. This is also good news for, say, the children of any culture that’s known for living at home way past the point of it being socially acceptable.
Cuomo, on the other hand, has benefitted from more than $2.5 million in campaign contributions from landlords who oppose Zohran’s public housing policies. For a group that opposes affordable housing, they’re really letting Zohran live rent free in their heads.
Look, I can’t speak for all Indians or all Italians, but I’m confident that Zohran is the candidate to best represent both communities.
And when he wins and builds those city-run grocery stores, I hope he puts the turmeric and cardamom right next to the deli meats.
Borsellino is a comedy writer who used to work on political campaigns.
