My friend won’t stop making ugly remarks about her appearance : NPR
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Dear Kit of Life is the column of NPR advice, where experts answer delicate questions about relationships, social label, work culture and more.
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These questions were answered by Ronald Young Jr., Host of the podcast Weight for thatAnd Katie Sturinoauthor of Body talk: how to kiss your body and start living your best life. The conversation has been modified for duration and clarity.
Left: Katie Sturino is the author of Talking body: how to kiss your body and start living your best life. Right: Ronald Young Jr. is the host of the Podcast, “weight for that”.
Left: Kelsey Cherry; Right: Pamela Perez, the June press
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Left: Kelsey Cherry; Right: Pamela Perez, the June press
Dear Kit of Life,
A good friend to me often makes disheartling comments on her appearance, saying that she feels “fat” or “coarse”. I think she looks great, but every time I try to reassure her, she rejects me.
His comment begins to make me feel worried about my own appearance. How can I tell him that I don’t want to hear him speak like that? – Not negative Nancy
Sturino: There are several ways to manage this.
First of all, ask yourself: is it a friendship I need in my life? Otherwise, it may be a bad grass that you need to shoot and leave to protect yourself.
The second approach is to offer an attempt to make a positive trip together. You might say, “Hey, my friend, I don’t like the way you talk about my friend. Do you never want to try claims together?” See how she reacts to this.
Young: You can also say: “When you start talking about being big, it puts us both in a place where I do not know how I am supposed to help. What will it take for us to increase your confidence and how can I be there to support you?”
If she does not answer this, then I would say to distance. This does not mean abandonment or negligence. It just means: “If you are going to be there, I will be rooted here for you. But I can’t be there with you.”
Dear Kit of Life,
My brother-in-law likes people by “funny” names. His name for me mixes my name with the word “anorexia”, even if I have never been insufficient or disorderly experienced. I asked him to stop. His answer: “Can’t you take a joke?”
Recently, my sister made a cake and gave me a slice, which I impatiently accepted. My brother-in-law looked at me and said, “You don’t want to eat that. You will only have to stick your finger in your throat later.”
My daughters, who are 13 and 11 years old, looked shocked and confused, but no one else in my family reacted. Now my children do not want to attend events if it will be there.
I am torn between wanting to participate in family events and not wanting to submit myself, me and my daughters, these kinds of teasing and normalization by my family of behavior. What can I do? —Apmed by brother-in-law.
Sturino: This type of comment from your brother-in-law is an indicator of what your sister could face closed doors. It is not something that you can force a friend, a family member or anyone in your life to achieve.
But you can make choices for yourself. I love you talking about it to your children. And I like your children to say to themselves: “I don’t want to be around that.”
I would speak directly to your brother-in-law because your sister may have to line up on the side of his spouse to maintain peace at home.
Young: If we completely leave the sister of that, then I Go directly to the intimidator and say: “Stop doing this. If you do it, I will call it every time and make things sick for everyone. I should not have to be the one to stop going to family events because of someone else’s bad behavior.”
Dear Kit of Life,
My partner and I both took GLP-1 (Glucagon-Like Peptide-1) medication, weight loss drugs for about eight months. She loses weight so much faster than me, and it’s hard not to compare my body to hers. How can I manage my jealousy while celebrating changes in your own body? —Acumber
Young: The couple must reassess their objectives. Weight loss cannot only be a number, aesthetic, or what you look like in your clothes. It must be something else. It may be a walking goal. It may be a marathon.
For example, if she is now able to climb the stairs without being breathless or doing long walks and hikes, we have something to celebrate.
Anyone who has lost a massive weight, it is not your greatest achievement in life. There are other things you have done so that I will be more proud of you than losing weight.
Digital history has been published by Malaka Gharib. The visual editor is Beck Harlan. We would be delighted to hear you. Leave us a vocal messaging at 202-216-9823, or send us an email to lifekit@npr.org.
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