Years after parents’ death, friend still hasn’t dealt with inherited property – New York Daily News
Dear Eric: I have a friend whom I will call “Sally”. It is in the middle of the fifties and is single without children. Both parents died. Before the death of her mother, she left her job to take care of her. Once she died, Sally inherited most of her property, including her van, condo and older property.
She sorted her mother’s personal effects but does not seem to decide what to do with her van or condo, both paid. Sally has her own condo and vehicle, and pays taxes, HOA costs, maintenance and other expenses on these articles inherited for years now.
She does not seem to decide what to do with these things and keeps telling me that her plan is to finally sell her place and move to her mother, which is more pleasant.
In the meantime, she loses a lot of money by maintaining these articles. She does not seem to be attached to money and still does not work, but is constantly traveling to help others (volunteering, baby-sitting, etc.).
I am concerned about his indecision and his concern to flee her problems and injure himself by avoiding treating this. We are friends, but not very close, so I did not share my concerns with her. What is the best way to discuss it with her?
– Affected friend
Dear friend: Instead of talking to Sally of your concerns – whether or not they can share – choose part of her inheritance and ask her if she wants your help to deal with it. The van is probably the easiest place to start. Tell her that you have noticed that she did not drive him and that you have ideas on what to do with it, if it is open. You could help him sell it, of course, but it could also do a lot of good as a donation to a charitable organization that needs reliable transport.
Now she may not look for suggestions. But it is likely that part of the decision -making difficulty she experiences has just been overwhelmed by logistics. It happens to us all, sometimes, but it can be particularly difficult when associated with sorrow. She may need someone outside to give him a hand.
Dear Eric: I am 73 years old, divorced and in case of health. I have never really settled anywhere in my life. My son took a very difficult start in life, and I overcompensate by helping him much too long. He is 43 years old and recently cut contact with me because I would not buy a house that his wife wanted. I contracted a loan of $ 15,000 for them and they do not make the payments as promised.
In the meantime, his twin sister feels abandoned due to the attention that his brother has received as a growing. She lives across the country and I haven’t seen them for three years. She has a good job and raises two students from the Crown of Honor.
How can I make my daughter honorable? I wonder if I have autism because I am very annoying and I have no real friends. 73 Is it too late to be tested and would it be good to know?
– Locked in life
Dear locked: first of all, I want you to know that you are not alone. Many people feel blocked by social isolation. According to the National Survey of the University of Michigan on healthy aging, 23% of adults aged 65 to 80 say they feel isolated from others. This feeling can pose unique challenges, but it is not too late to make changes that will have a positive impact on your life.
It is never too late to speak to a professional with autism spectrum disorder and I strongly encourage you to continue it. There are available online self-assessments that can help you start, but talk to a psychologist, a psychiatrist or a neurologist can provide you with a more specific diagnosis. A professional can also help you find resources, locally, on a national and online scale, which can improve your experience of life.
Likewise, it is not too late to make your daughter amends. An amendment does not change the past, but it can define a different path for the future. First try to reach out with a letter, recognizing the injury it felt and apologized, with details, for the role you played there. You don’t need to give an excuse – that may not help at this stage. Instead, express a sincere desire to reset your relationship. Offer suggestions, if you have, but also ask for it if it is open to a conversation.
Please also consult a lawyer on your options to recover part of your son’s loan.
This trip is not a night trip. It will take time to rebuild a connection with your daughter, and it takes time to learn new things about yourself. But it is never too late.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askinric.com or Po Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and register for his weekly newsletter at Rercthomas.com.)
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