1 In 6 Adults In Relationships Has ‘Backup Person’ They’d Leave Their Partner For
(Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels)
The grass is always greener, but that doesn’t mean you should choose your next lawn yet.
In a word
- One in six people in relationships (16%) admit there is someone they would leave their current partner for if that person showed romantic interest.
- Men are more likely than women to have a backup plan (19% vs. 12%), while women are slightly more likely to doubt whether their partner is their soulmate.
- One in five Americans in relationships (20%) do not consider their current partner to be their soulmate, with millennials most likely to believe in the concept.
- Psychologists say that attraction to others is normal biology, but comparing your real partner to an imaginary person indicates that something may be missing in your relationship.
Most people in relationships would never admit it out loud, but a surprising number of people keep their options open. One in six Americans currently in a relationship admit that there is someone else in their life for whom they would leave their partner if that person showed romantic interest.
This revelation comes from a new survey of 1,279 people in relationships, which revealed some uncomfortable truths about modern commitment. While having a wandering eye is one thing, having a specific person in mind as a potential exit strategy goes further.
The Gender Gap in Relationship Commitment
Research conducted by Talker Research as part of a lifestyle omnibus found that 16 percent of Americans in relationships have identified someone who could pull them away from their current relationship. Men are much more likely to have this backup plan, with 19% admitting there is someone they would leave their partner for, compared to just 12% of women.
Perhaps even more revealing: one in five Americans (20%) in a relationship do not actually consider their current partner to be their soul mate. Women are slightly more likely than men to feel this way, with 14% of women expressing doubt compared to 11% of men. The investigation doesn’t prove these are the same people with backup plans, but the combination raises an obvious question. Why stay if the conviction is not there?
Millennials appear to be the generation most likely to believe in the concept of a soul mate and to think that their current partner is “the one.” Maybe growing up immersed in romantic comedies sets their expectations very high, or maybe they’re just more willing to move away from relationships that feel like compromises.
When attraction becomes something more
Clinical psychologist Adam Horvath explained why these feelings might be more universal than we admit. “It’s not uncommon to think that we might leave our partner for someone new, exciting and mysterious, but how we respond to those feelings is important,” Horvath said. “If you often find yourself emotionally invested outside of your relationship, that’s a signal to examine why your boundaries are lowering.”
Horvath emphasized that attraction to others does not automatically make someone a bad partner. “We’re human. Attraction doesn’t turn off when we say ‘I choose you.’ What matters is what we do with our feelings and whether we’re honest with ourselves about why they’re there,” he explained. “Dreaming about someone else isn’t rare or pathological, and it doesn’t automatically mean you’re a bad partner, much less that your relationship is doomed. “
The psychologist pointed out that noticing romantic interest in others is an ingrained biology. “Developing feelings for someone is completely normal, because our brains are wired to detect romantic interest. It’s biology, not betrayal,” he said.
The Fantasy Partner Problem
The problems start when people start comparing their current partner to a fantasy version of someone else. “Where it gets tricky is when we think these feelings are meaningful, and in fact, they’re our way out. When we compare our real partner to someone else’s fantasy and check out because there’s something better,” Horvath explained. “It’s less about the crush and more about something missing that the backup person represents: the playfulness, the romance, the excitement. Or sometimes just something new.”
For many Americans, monogamy might be more about choosing to stay than not wanting to move away. Whether having a “what if” person in the back of your mind is normal human psychology or a red flag about your relationship depends on how each person handles it.
But the survey data tells a clear story. If these percentages were valid nationally, they would translate to millions of Americans in relationships while simultaneously identifying someone they would rather be with. That person at work who makes them laugh, the ex who got away, the friend who “gets” them in a way their partner doesn’t. These save options aren’t just passing crushes, but specific people who could theoretically change everything if they moved.
The research raises uncomfortable questions about what modern engagement really means when so many people have one foot out the door.
Survey methodology
Talker Research surveyed 2,000 Americans, 1,279 of whom were currently in a relationship. The survey was administered and conducted online by Talker Research between August 15 and 21, 2025.
