I went from preacher’s kid to meth addict — what happened at 3am changed everything

I grew up the son of a traveling evangelist. My mother is truly one of the kindest people you will ever meet. Unfortunately, beneath his elegant façade was a deep, fear-driven need to appear as if everything was okay. Our lives were far from the same. The man I watched speak from behind a pulpit in my childhood was not the same man at home, behind closed doors, where I had a front-row seat to the physical violence he inflicted on my mother.

Keeping Dad’s abuse a secret was our #1 rule as a family. No one could ever know. I remember a time when someone at a camp meeting asked my mother about her black eye. I was young, barely tall enough to reach up to his elbow, and I was overcome with fear. Would our family secret be revealed? Before my mother could answer, my father intervened: “She fell in the shower. » Hearing these words, my whole body shook with disbelief and anger. Watching my father tell a cowardly lie to protect his image – and my mother sheepishly pretend she was a stupid wife who fell in the shower – was unbearable to watch. At such a young age, I didn’t know how to deal with all of this.

As I entered my preteen years, I became a wrecking ball of bad decisions. In my mind, my earthly and heavenly fathers were the villains of my story. By the time I was 11 or 12, I was smoking cigarettes, stealing, and drinking alcohol.

As a teenager, I lay awake most nights, snorting cocaine, drinking, smoking weed, and, finally, taking painkillers to fall asleep. When I was 17, someone introduced me to a drug called crystal meth. It was a new low. Looking back, it feels like an out-of-body experience. How could I have made such monumentally destructive choices? I had built an entire life around my trauma, my hurt, my anger, and my addiction.

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One night at 3 a.m. I was in a dark place when Jesus revealed Himself to this wounded pastor’s child. There, that night, I put my faith in Jesus. I share more about my transformation – and how Jesus changed my life overnight – in my new book, “Radically Restored: How Knowing Jesus Heals Our Brokenness.”

This is why I believe God heals and continues to work miracles. I believe because I am the same Jesus who “cast out evil spirits with a simple command, and healed all who were sick” (Matt. 8:16 NLT). But what about the deep wounds left by trauma? What if these injuries were caused by a parent or spouse – someone we should have been able to trust, someone who should have been a safe place? We all know that these wounds run much deeper.

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When asked if God can heal emotional trauma, Christians might give a knee-jerk Church response: “Yes, and he won’t!” We want to assure others – and perhaps ourselves – that we are saved and believe without doubt. We tend to avoid asking difficult questions because, as Christians, we are not sure if it is allowed.

As I entered my preteen years, I became a wrecking ball of bad decisions. In my mind, my earthly and heavenly fathers were the villains of my story. By the time I was 11 or 12, I was smoking cigarettes, stealing, and drinking alcohol.

My point is that honest faith asks questions, but it does not question who God claims to be. This may seem contradictory, but it is not. God wants authenticity, but we must trust Him even in painful experiences. When we are authentic and trusting, God reveals the chains that bind us so that we can lay them down at the foot of the cross and walk free.

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This is easier said than done, especially if those chains were placed there by people we once considered safe, or by a parent or spouse we should have trusted. Unresolved trauma became my prison. I didn’t know how to be freed. The hardest part was that even after the physical abuse stopped, my father never addressed what happened. In my childhood, its presence was massive and terrifying. But throughout my teens and early twenties, it was there – but not really there. In the film of our lives, he became less of a monster and more of an extra who blended into the background. His absence during these years was a new and different injury.

Stephen McWhirter attends the 11th Annual K-LOVE Fan Awards at the Grand Ole Opry on May 26, 2024 in Nashville, Tennessee. (Jason Kempin/Getty Images)

I wonder if my father’s detachment was because he believed that after everything he had done, he no longer had the right to be my father. Maybe he didn’t talk about past abuse or make amends because he should have taken ownership of what happened. He should have brought him out of the shadows and into the light. I don’t know the answer for my father; I only know that he acted as if nothing had happened.

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But it happened. And at some point – for my father and for all of us – everything we try to hide will be laid bare. Jesus said, “For whatever is hidden will eventually be revealed, and every secret will be revealed” (Mark 4:22 NLT). Everything – even the things we want to keep hidden in darkness – will be brought to light. This may sound scary, but it doesn’t have to be. When we willingly bring these hidden things to light to confess, repent, and redeem ourselves, they begin to lose their power.

Unfortunately, my father could never bring himself to face what he had done. I believe this kept him imprisoned by guilt and shame. If this sounds like you, know that Jesus loves you and is fighting to set you free and heal every broken piece of you. This promise is not just for the sons and daughters who have been hurt. It is also for the father, mother, spouse or anyone who has harmed others. Jesus doesn’t just heal and restore the bad things that have happened to us. It also repairs the unthinkable things we may have done to others. When we feel chained to guilt and shame, true healing and freedom await us on the other side of what is called repentance.

Adapted from “Radically Restored” by Stephen McWhirter. Copyright Stephen McWhirter© (May 2026) by Zondervan. Used with permission from Zondervan, www.zondervan.com.