Having a conversation and creating best practices for your child’s social media use
BATON ROUGE, Louisiana — In a pivotal moment that underscored how powerful and immersive social platforms can be for children and teens, a California jury this week found Meta and YouTube liable for harm to the mental health of children using their services.
The jury’s decision in the first trial of its kind — centered on social media addiction — was applauded by doctors and advocates, who say they hope it could eventually lead to industry-wide changes.
“I’m excited about the outcome of the litigation, in part because we’ve seen these platforms go unregulated for many years … and they haven’t really considered the effects on children,” Carol Vidal, a child and adolescent psychiatrist at the Johns Hopkins Children’s Center, told the Associated Press.
Experts say this moment offers a new opportunity to rethink how families approach social media. Here is some advice for parents on conversations to have with their children on social media and practices to protect them.
For many parents, battles over screen time, fears of online dangers and the struggle to stop children from endless scrolling have become part of navigating an increasingly digital childhood.
And while there are decades of articles, research papers, podcasts and, yes, social media posts outlining tips, tricks and rules when it comes to kids’ screen time, experts say the most helpful thing a parent can do is simply talk to their kids.
Asking kids what they like online, the type of influencers they follow, how they engage, and what they think of certain apps can reveal a lot about their online experience and be more impactful than setting rigid rules.
Jenny Radesky, director of the division of developmental and behavioral pediatrics at the University of Michigan Medical School, said the best way to start conversations is to ask open-ended questions and “allow space for adolescents to share their opinions.”
“By listening as a parent, it allows you to take a look under the hood to understand how your child thinks about things. It’s much easier to solve a tricky problem when you truly understand your child’s point of view, instead of just trying to impose a new limit on them,” Radesky said.
Among conversation topics, Radesky suggested asking kids about posts they see — things they’ve seen that they find funny, entertaining, scary, cool or frustrating. From there, parents can ask if their child is seeing things they don’t like and how to fix it, like resetting their feed, only watching content from their friends, or taking a break from the platform.
But when it comes to limiting the limits of social media, there is no one-size-fits-all solution. Radesky said setting rules around a child’s well-being and needs, rather than restrictions that can feel like punishment, can help children better understand how to use social media in healthy ways.
“As a parent, you know your child best,” Radesky said. “You’ve seen their anxious days. You’ve seen those days where they’re out of control. You know what really gets their attention and what calms them down. So think of all your solutions centered around who your child is.”
Experts say setting timers, designating “phone-free zones,” or even taking a multi-day break from social media can be very helpful.
“It helps teens be more intentional about getting what they want from their phone or from that social media site — it doesn’t turn into this stupid, ‘Oh, I don’t have anything else to do, so I’ll just keep scrolling,'” Radesky said.
Again, determining a child’s specific needs, usage patterns, and challenges is beneficial in finding solutions that work for them.
Do social networks disrupt their sleep? Ask them to leave their phones downstairs at night. Do they scroll for hours at a time? Set a 20-minute timer to let them know when to put their phone down. Are they turning to social media out of boredom? Maybe set aside a day each week to go do something as a family.
Is there a specific age at which children should be allowed to use social media, is the age-old question.
Almost all major social media platforms have a minimum age of 13, mainly due to the Children’s Online Privacy Protection Act which restricts the collection of data on young children. However, the app is often limited because there is no easy way to verify a person’s age when signing up for apps and online services.
Additionally, some states have taken steps to prohibit children – in some cases up to the age of 16 – from opening accounts without parental permission.
The American Academy of Pediatrics does not recommend social media for children under 13; “This doesn’t mean you have to open an account at 13. Many children benefit from a longer wait,” Radesky said.
Beyond simply signing up for social media platforms, parents, educators and technology experts are working to keep children from giving phones until they are older. Some parents have joined the “Wait until 8th grade” movement, pledging not to give their children smartphones until 8th grade, which is around age 13 or 14.
When it comes to social media habits, experts say, it’s crucial for parents to lead by example.
“The most powerful thing parents can do is model good behavior, because children sometimes respond more to what they see than to what they are told,” Vidal said.
Although it may sometimes be necessary to be on the phone, experts say it’s helpful for parents to explain why they are on the phone in their child’s presence. Instead of scrolling aimlessly, a parent might be checking a work email, looking for a recipe for dinner, or paying a bill.
Ultimately, if parents want their child to change their social media use, then they should partner with them. Vidal suggested using the American Academy of Pediatrics’ Family Media Plan, a free online tool that creates recommendations for a person’s social media use based on that specific person.
“It’s not just a problem that teenagers are having. The designs are in everyone’s feeds and on everyone’s social media,” Radesky said. “Then try to make a change together.”
