A rush of blood to the penis – and vaginal tenting: what happens to our bodies when we get turned on | Sex

What excites you? Depending on the person, the answer to this question will vary greatly. But what’s really going on under the hood when we start to get in the mood?

The first scientists to really take the physiology of sex seriously—or at least to break the taboos around talking about it—were William Masters and Virginia Johnson, sexologists who began their studies in the 1950s (and married in 1971). “They came up with what’s called the four-stage model, where the body gets aroused, you reach a plateau, you have an orgasm, you go back to baseline,” says Dr Angela Wright, a GP and clinical sexologist based in Yorkshire.

“But what’s interesting is that there’s nothing about actually wanting to have sex. It’s as if it fell from the sky, rather than as if there was some kind of desire that accompanied the process. So later models asked themselves: what makes humans want to have sex? And what we see, generally, is that in the male body, desire is usually felt more like hunger; but in the body feminine, especially in long term relationships, 75% of the time it’s more like walking into a supermarket, smelling the bread and realizing you want to eat.

In other words, part of our desire seems spontaneous and part responds to environmental cues, some of which we respond to because we associate them with the memory of a “reward.” Part of this response is hormonal – testosterone and estrogen levels impact how we think about sex – but much of it is behavioral.

“Signals from sight, touch, memory, imagination or emotional connection activate networks in the limbic system and hypothalamus of the brain, and these signals travel through the nervous system to the body,” explains Dr Ben Davis, a GP specializing in sexual medicine and sex therapy for men. “But people experience arousal differently. Some notice physical sensations first: warmth, genital tingling, racing pulse. Others need mental or emotional stimulation before their body responds. Most of us fall somewhere in between. Understanding whether you’re more body- or mind-focused can help you create better sexual experiences.”

“Sexual arousal is a much more complex and multifaceted process than the simple, wild response we often assume,” says Alix Fox, a journalist and doctoral researcher in sexual well-being at the Institute for Global Health at University College London. “Appreciating this can help us be kinder to ourselves if our libido isn’t working the way we want it to or if we’re experiencing issues that are confusing us.”

After these initial signals, our parasympathetic nervous system (often thought of as the “rest and digest” element) takes over, triggering the release of nitric oxide. “This relaxes the smooth muscles and allows more blood to flow to the erectile tissues of the penis, clitoris and vulva, causing engorgement, lubrication and increased sensitivity,” says Davis. “At the same time, neurochemicals like dopamine help stimulate desire and motivation, while oxytocin promotes emotional connection and touch. Together, they help the body move from alertness to a state where sexual response is possible.”

Although some of the mechanics are the same, what happens next depends on the equipment you’re working with. “In women’s bodies, there is an arousal response sometimes called ‘tenting,’ where the uterus rises and the upper part of the vagina opens to facilitate penetration,” says Wright.

“It’s also probably worth noting that there are two different ways people experience the rush of blood that causes penile or clitoral erections. First, there are the reflexes that originate in the spinal cord with no correlation to your brain’s sexual thinking – they simply clear the pipes with a large influx of blood to bring in some oxygen and keep everything healthy. This is very important, because the body slows down sexual arousal and the erectile tissues remain slightly deprived of blood. If we lose reflex erections due to age or illness, the tissues gradually deteriorate and become less responsive.

The other type of arousal is the one we feel in response to thinking about or wanting to have sex, or sexual contact. “It tricks us into thinking that sex is actually on the agenda and our bodies are going to prepare for it,” says Wright.

In the penis, when blood flows, it swells rods of erectile tissue which end up compressing the external veins that are supposed to drain them. This traps the blood and makes the tissues stiff enough to allow penetration. “In the female body, things are slightly different,” says Wright. “Blood has to keep flowing all the time to maintain a clitoral erection, which is why sometimes it feels like things are coming and going a little differently.”

Besides nitric oxide, the main neurotransmitters involved in this process are dopamine, oxytocin, noradrenaline, adrenaline and acetylcholine, and there is a constant balance between them, depending on which part of Masters and Johnson’s four-step process we have achieved. Dopamine is important for motivation, desire and reward; adrenaline helps with excitement; and oxytocin contributes to bonding and trust, especially after an orgasm. Another key point is that for all of this to happen, the sympathetic nervous system (“fight or flight” mode) must remain silent: if you are stressed or anxious, it can act as a biological brake, constricting blood vessels and blocking the whole process.

“A good sexual experience requires some sympathetic arousal balanced with parasympathetic safety—you want to be aroused rather than anxious,” says Davis. “If the sympathetic drive is too high – because of too much fear or hypervigilance to danger – it can kill arousal.”

What does all this mean to you? First, it means that if you’re stressed about other things, you shouldn’t feel bad for not wanting sex. “An overloaded brain, overthinking, stress or anxiety can all inhibit our ability not only to experience sexual arousal, but also to direct our attention to things that feel pleasurable enough to encourage it,” says Kate Moyle, psychosexual therapist and author of The Science of Sex. “Stress and anxiety are also common interruptions not only to pleasure but also to sexual functioning.”

It’s also important to note that if you notice a decrease in desire, it may be a symptom of other changes in your body or in your life. “Women after menopause or breastfeeding may not feel very good, which means they don’t get a very good reward for bothering. [to have sex]. So as a partner, you have to appreciate it and be helpful by creating opportunities to be excited,” says Wright. “You also have to be honest about what gives you pleasure, because humans are very simple: we do things we enjoy. If something makes you feel bad about yourself, or ashamed, or if you experience negative consequences, you will find that your behavior changes because of it.

For other people, sexual symptoms may be warning signs of cardiovascular, hormonal, or mental health problems. “Many people think that erections weakening or desire fading is simply part of aging, but persistent changes are worth discussing with a doctor,” says Davis. “Gradually progressive erectile difficulties, in particular, are well-established predictors of future cardiovascular disease, because the small penile arteries are affected by vascular disease earlier than the coronary arteries. »

“If you asked most people how they would define desire, you would often answer the word ‘spontaneous,’ which is the version overrepresented in our culture and mass media,” says Moyle. “In fact, desire manifests itself for many – and especially for those who know themselves better, such as those in long-term relationships – in more reactive ways. This means that we [need to] go ahead and create opportunities – if we wait for “the urge to strike”, the wait is likely to be long, as there are many life factors and other priorities to compete with.

“It’s about the willingness to get excited,” says Wright. “It’s about creating desire. To use a food analogy, how many times have you been full without wanting to eat anything else, and then someone puts a cheesecake in front of you and you suddenly want a slice? It’s about creating scenarios in which you, or your partner, go to see the cheesecake.” Or, anything they might find a little tasty.