Are people who park on streets facing the wrong way the worst people on Earth?
It’s Wednesday, which means it’s time to open the window and air all those pent-up grievances from last week in another edition of The Gripe Report.
At this point, more than two years into the rich history of The Gripe Reportwe all know that I’m a guy who can complain about a lot of things.
It’s a gift and a curse, frankly.
The Gripe Report takes aim at wrong-way parking, haircuts and remotes without numbers. ((Getty Images))
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But sometimes certain things come to mind that are so minor, so petty, and potentially so ridiculous that I get twisted, wondering if I’m the only one losing sleep over someone parked the wrong way in front of my house.
I probably am, but we’re still going to go ahead and talk about this, and a few other very petty gripes.
People parking with the driver’s side wheels against the curb
My neighborhood may be one of the most “suburban” neighborhoods you can imagine.
The only thing that might make it look a little different than you imagine is if all the houses are too close together on small lots.
Just like the Florida method.
Luckily the neighborhood is pretty nice, and there’s not much that drives me crazy, but one thing that makes my eyes twitch when I see it is when people park on the street with their driver’s side tires against the curb.
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And no, these are not one-way streets; these are two way streets, there are just more lazy idiots than I would like to accept.
It’s not legal, and it bothers me, not because it takes up more space – obviously it doesn’t – but it’s one of the ultimate signs of laziness and entitlement.
If you can’t be bothered to make a nice, quick, tight, dignified U-turn or just park across the street, then I’m sorry, I’m just not a fan of you.
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It’s a litmus test I use, just like how I judge people who don’t return their shopping carts.
If I see this, I slap the offender with an instant “SHOWER” tag and avoid.
Speaking of which…
Sorry, but if your hair looks like this and you were born before 2008, chances are I’m only half-listening. (Getty Images)
Guys who refuse to get adult haircuts
Buckle up, this is about to be the most “Old Man Yells At Cloud” we’ve ever had. The Gripe report, and that says a lot.
I know haircut trends come and go, but I can’t stand that broccoli/alpaca haircut that every moron under 25 seems to have.
Of course, every generation has their stupid haircut, but the problem I see is that people don’t grow out of it.
I feel like in past generations, people had “kid” haircuts and grew out of them, so that by your mid-20s you had a grown-up cut.
No more. People now have kiddie haircuts until their mid-twenties, and it’s just embarrassing for everyone.
For them and for society in general.
I’m just going to be honest: when I see someone over 18 with an alpaca haircut, I just don’t take you seriously. I’ll be pleasant, but whatever you have to say will go in one ear and out the other, because if you want to get a kid’s haircut, your words mean as much to me as an eight-year-old explaining to me why his favorite Hot Wheels car is his favorite Hot Wheels car.
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In fact, less weight. Hot Wheels are cool, so I’d probably pay more attention to them.
At least get a comb, because I swear no one under 25 owns one. It’s downright weird. Every guy 25 or younger seems to have weird, tangled bedhead, and that’s their look?
Again, sorry, I don’t take you seriously if you look like you just got up from a nap.
The only person who ever had a look like that in my book was Boris Johnson, and that was because I thought he was so busy running the UK that he didn’t have time to do his hair.
So unless you’re ruling the UK, go get yourself a comb and a grown-up haircut.
Remote controls without digital buttons
I don’t want to brag, but I have a few TVs in my house.
I know, this makes me sound like a Rockefeller, but you won’t envy the next part: None of these TVs come with a remote control that has a number pad.
When did we become okay with this as a society?
These are smart TVs, and I know streaming is to blame, but we also have cable.
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Only our cable flow via TV, which means the cable company can pay cheap and not send us another remote with numbers.
So when I want to change channels, I have to go to the guide and then scroll through hundreds of channels (sorry, I’ve gone into Rockefeller mode again) to get where I want to go.
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This is where I break with the Rockefellers: I shouldn’t have to do this.
The remote that came with the TV should do everything.
All we need is 10 more buttons, one for each number and the oft-forgotten 0, and we’re golden.
A man fills up his car at a gas station during the day as gas prices approach $4 a gallon. (iStock)
Gas stations in general (and not just because of the price)
I think we’ll end this week with a post from John U, who checked in with a handful of gas station put-downs:
I find that I get quite bored at gas stations – especially non-chain ones. From credit card from taped-up units telling you to get in, to no interlock stop on the pump so you have to keep manually pumping the gas, to extremely slow flow rates (especially when it comes to the previous problem), to windshield wiper cans that haven’t seen fluid in years, to paper towel dispensers that are always empty, there’s plenty to get excited about. And that’s just the exterior of these types of gas stations.
Inside you have hygiene problems in the toilets, lines of people buying scratch items. lottery tickets, poorly lit aisles, etc.
…
If I had a dollar for every time I stopped at a pump, got out and swiped my card only to find it was broken, I wouldn’t have that much money, but in the year of our Lord 2026, that should net me exactly $0.00.
Same with the little pump locking mechanism. This seems like a two-second fix, and yet it’s a bridge too far for some gas stations.
Don’t put the water in the little plastic tub with the squeegee, that’s where they lose all sympathy on my part.
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The card reader requires a bit of technical know-how to repair, and repairing this pump may require a special part, but filling a plastic tray with water? This is the simplest task you would have to do while working at a gas station.
Plus, it’s not even like every driver uses an entire plastic tank to clean their windshield. Unless the surface of the sun is hot and arid like Death Valley or Phoenix in the summer, you might have to carry a bucket there every other day?
Then when we venture inside, the gas stations outside of your gas stations/sort of upper echelon restaurants or attractions like Buc-ee’s, Sheetz, or Wawa are just downright depressing.
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They opened a new 7/Eleven near my house and I went in because for some reason I thought it would be fun.
I was mistaken.
Unless you call coming back outside after watching day-old roller dogs and walking on sticky floors with spilled Slurpee fun, in which case you may need to get outside more.
…
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That’s all for this week’s edition of The Gripe Report.
Be sure to join us next week, and in the meantime, send us your smallest gripes! : matthew.reigle@outkick.com
