Diaper changes are not just a chore to rush through. You can use them to teach consent

Much emphasis has been placed on the need to teach consent to older children. But parents shouldn’t wait until their children are teenagers to talk about appropriate touching or everyone’s right to say what happens to their bodies.

In fact, the earlier parents talk about it with their children, the better.

In this way, consent becomes a normal, everyday part of life. Importantly, it also helps protect children from abuse because they learn what is and isn’t acceptable when it comes to their bodies.

You can start teaching toddlers about consent before they can even talk. Here is how to proceed during daily care.

Try not to rush

Parents can easily view diaper changing as a task to be rushed through and “finished.”

But maybe now is the time to help kids learn more about consent and how their bodies work.

Toileting is a task that young children will be responsible for in the future. What happens before you learn to use the toilet shouldn’t be a mystery.

Be clear about what is happening

When starting a diaper change, make sure your child knows what is happening. Get down on their level and say, “You need a diaper change,” then pause so they can understand that.

Then you can say, “Do you want to walk/crawl with me to the changing table, or would you like me to carry you?”

Watch their facial expressions and body language to see if they understand what is happening. Try to be positive, gentle and responsive to your child.

Don’t distract your child

Children are often encouraged to get distracted when changing diapers and focus their attention on something else. For example, a well-meaning parent signs them a song or gives them a rattle to hold.

But it’s important for children to notice when someone touches their most private parts.

Even early in infancy, children can respond to consistent verbal cues. So try using similar language and follow regular diaper changing routines that involve children in conversation. For example, “Can you please lift your bottom so I can remove your diaper?”

These habits sow the idea that a child has the right to say what happens to their body.

Be kind to yourself

Of course, some diaper changes may need to be more rushed or in a strange place. Maybe you’re late for work or have to pull over to the side of the road to deal with an urgent explosion.

The habits we describe above may also seem to add more work to the already demanding parenting load. So try to do them as often as possible and be kind to yourself if every diaper change isn’t a perfect bonding moment, you are supporting a little child after all.

Use the appropriate terms

As you do this, use the correct anatomical terms: vulva, penis, anus. Parents may feel uncomfortable and think that more childish names should be used. But it keeps children safe, because it means they can then tell trusted adults about their experiences with everyone who cares for them.

Use these same principles when changing their clothes or bathing them.

Give children simple choices

Outside of the changing table, look for ways to offer children the opportunity to choose and feel a sense of agency and autonomy in everyday situations. This helps nurture their independence and can reduce power struggles. Some examples of this could be,

• Do you want to wear your blue shirt or your yellow shirt today?
• Do you want an apple or a pear?
• Do you want to go to the park or take a walk around the block?

Recognize their body language

In previous articles, experts have emphasized that you shouldn’t force your children to kiss other adults or family members if they don’t want to.

But parents can also be aware of their own behavior: how your child reacts when you pick them up or give them a hug.

Sometimes you have no choice (for example, picking up a child before crossing a busy road). But when possible, use children’s body language and cues to reflect their opinions.

This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.