Ending parental leave? Tips for a successful return to work : NPR

The first day I returned to work after parental leave, I sat at my desk, logged into my computer, and sobbed silently until my first morning meeting.

The guilt of leaving my child, the anxiety of starting my job again, the stress of managing both worlds at once: it was the ultimate case of Mondays.

Going from ‘worker’ to ‘parent’ to ‘working parent’ can be a shock to the system, says Amy Becomfounder and CEO of the Center for Parental Leave Leadership.

Parents “often learn two new roles quickly, under a lot of pressure, with lack of sleep, and without guidance or support,” she says.

This is particularly the case for mothers. The United States is the only industrialized country without federal paid leaveand a 2012 report found that 1 in 4 women return to work within two weeks after the birth of a baby.

Even though I was one of the lucky ones – I had several months of protected, paid leave – coming back was still a struggle and a huge adjustment.

So whether you’re about to return to work or already back, there are ways to set yourself up for success, says Beacom.

Doing work work better for you

Too often, returning parents think their jobs and schedules are set in stone, and so they don’t ask their superiors what they want, Beacom says.

But for the most part, companies “want you to be happy, engaged and supported,” she says — so you might be surprised by what they accept.

Beacom shares some ideas to make your return to school easier.

• What does a good first day, week and month look like? If possible, make a plan and propose it to your manager before leaving, “so that everyone is thinking about this return to school before you even leave,” says Beacom.
• Set a date for a brief check-in with your employer while you’re gone, so both parties can feel more confident and prepared about what’s needed for your return, says Beacom.
• Plan to return midweek so you can give yourself time to slowly warm up, clear out your inbox, and then get back to full throttle the following week.
• Negotiate your schedule. Maybe shifting your workday by a half hour would make a big difference in your commute, or working during East Coast work hours would make daycare pickup and drop-off much easier.

Your workplace will often be as flexible as you ask let them be, Beacom said. So find out how work can work better for you.

Let “good” be “good enough”

Now that you’re back at work, you might notice something surprising: Your job might seem a little easier.

“Many parents report that having children, because it introduces all these new complexities, can make them more disciplined and more able to get things done,” says one brain researcher. Darby Saxbeauthor of the next book Dad Brainon the science of paternity.

This doesn’t mean your life as a working parent will be a walk in the park. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, see when you can let “good” become “good enough.”

“My best advice to parents is to lower your standards,” says Saxbe. “Don’t expect yourself to be amazing at everything.” There’s no raise for perfect baby food or trophies for quick late-night email blasts.

If you absolutely must add more to your plate, be intentional, says Reshma SaujaniCEO of Moms First, an organization that advocates for affordable child care and paid leave. What is a need and what is a simple gold star on your file? How much pressure do you put on yourself and how much is beyond your control?

Finally, give yourself a little break. Parenting can change the brain and body to better meet the needs of caring for your little one. – and research shows it can take anywhere a few months has two years or more for a new parent to feel fully like themselves again.

“You have to respect the fact that this is a period of transformation,” says Saxbe. “Be patient with yourself and recognize that you may not be 100% for a while.”

The digital story was edited by Meghan Keane. The visual editor is CJ Riculan. We would love to hear from you. Leave us a voicemail at 202-216-9823 or email us at LifeKit@npr.org.

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