Girlfriend seeks attention from other men – Chicago Tribune
Dear Eric: I’m a 64 year old man and I have a 59 year old girlfriend of a few years. My perception is that my girlfriend is constantly seeking attention from other men. For example, we were on an ATV ride with another couple and a third man. Our drive took us through many miles of backcountry. We stopped at a bar/restaurant to use the facilities.
My girlfriend walks into the bar and she’s there for a while. I stayed outside and talked with the other guys we were with. She finally comes out and admits that she was talking to a few guys and had a picture of whiskey “to check market prices.” Seriously? I’m supposed to believe she couldn’t have asked the price?
Later in the day, the two of us stopped at another bar/restaurant and got something to eat. After paying the check, I decided to use the restroom. I leave the bathroom, and she’s nowhere in sight, so I go out and interrupt a conversation between her and a random guy on the bridge itself. There was an immediate awkward pause from the guy, and she blurts out “that’s his bike.” My tastes run to Harleys. of which I have a few, and his bike was just another cheaper imitation racing bike.
Then on the way home she tells me about how her niece tried to set up a girls’ night including her at a local bar to somehow make it known, probably so she could say “I told you…” Clearly I have a problem with this, but I’m trying to keep an open mind. You know what they say: intimacy doesn’t start in the bedroom. So, I know what I think I should do, but I’m looking for an outsider’s perspective.
– be taken for a ride
Dear Ride: Look, there may be something else I’m not seeing, but I think the message you need to take away from this gut check is not that your girlfriend is necessarily doing something inappropriate but that you don’t feel safe in the relationship. This is not a personal failure; You are allowed to feel what you feel. But the answer may be different than what you think.
Although you can end things, as you seem to suggest, consider first talking to him at a neutral time about the state of your relationship and what you think he might be missing. Try using “I” statements, like “I wish I were closer” or “I don’t feel like we’ve been in sync lately.” Then try to discuss what happened and what you thought about it without accusations. “You were talking to the guys and ‘check the market price’ of whiskey, and it was confusing to me.” Ask her if she can see where you’re coming from and why it might make you feel less insecure. But also listen to her response and see if you can see where she’s coming from.
You don’t have to agree with the way things are going, but based on the cases you’ve described, he may be less interested in other men and more that she is interested in other drinks.
Dear Eric: I just passed my 93rd birthday, so I’ve been on Medicare for a few years. But I recently went through something different. My new doctor – a podiatrist – initially told me that she would only provide me with token care because she was only getting token payment. Then a second time she said I could pay her the difference and get full treatment. Is this right morally and legally?
– do no harm
Dear do no harm: Find someone new, if you can. Maybe this podiatrist is a poor communicator (you could say she put her foot in her mouth). Or she’s trying to silence you (…pulling your leg?) According to Medicare.gov, doctors can charge patients for out-of-pocket costs if they don’t accept Medicare allocation, so it’s possible that’s what she was trying to convey. But good communication is the key to a successful medical relationship. As a patient, you shouldn’t have to decipher what she’s saying or feel like you’re being backed into a corner to receive care. It is in your best interest to find someone with whom you can communicate clearly.
Contact your state medical board to express your concern about this treatment and for clarity. You can also call 1-800-Medicare for help filing a complaint or asking questions. If you need help navigating other doctor visits or managing prescriptions, your state or local Commission on Aging can direct you to a patient advocate who is trained to work with older adults and can navigate the Medicare system. I hope your next doctor steps up their game.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askinric.com or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
