He prefers to see me in small doses – Chicago Tribune

Dear Eric: I’m an independent contractor and a few years ago I joined my local chamber of commerce and other networking groups to connect with potential clients. At first I was excited, but now I don’t know what to do.

The Chamber of Commerce is mostly made up of older men and I am a woman in my 30s. In these contexts, men tend to denigrate me or ignore my expertise. For example, I have given educational presentations in my free time, only for the participants to make jokes or ask questions as if they were testing me.

One member, a paying client, told me I could “learn a thing or two” from working with him – after he had already explained to me my 10+ years of experience in the field. It was condescending and dismissive.

Part of me wants to denounce these comments, but this business is my livelihood and I can’t afford to alienate anyone. How to handle situations like this?

– Feeling rejected

Dear licensees: First of all, I’m sorry you have to go through this treatment. This is not appropriate and is not simply the price of doing business.

When dealing with the House or other places where you encounter sexist treatment, you may want to create a strategic plan for your times. Set clear, trackable goals for networking or lead generation or any other professional goals, then create action plans that move you toward those goals.

You can avoid anything that isn’t part of your plan, including some of these condescending conversations. I imagine you may feel like you need to embrace this feedback in case these relationships could benefit your business. But that puts the House in charge when in fact you are in charge.

Additionally, if a relationship is hampered by sexism, it is appropriate to give this feedback in a professional manner. Good business relationships are built on good communication and if they don’t communicate well with you, no one gets what they want or need.

Finally, consider mentoring other women and young business owners. You’ve been in the House for a few years, which means you have an understanding of the terrain that will be useful to others. Being proactive in connecting with business owners and entrepreneurs outside of the bedroom can open the door to other people, expanding your network.

Dear Eric: I am in my sixties and I have a child who is in his thirties. He lives in another state several hours away. I love him very much and have always wanted to spend more time with him, but he and his wife (whom I love very much) are very busy with their work and hobbies.

When I ask to visit him, it’s never the right time, so I don’t do it. He’s very nice to me on the phone and in text messages but he’s pretty arrogant in person. I don’t know why, except that we clashed a lot when he was growing up because we’re exactly the same.

When he’s here he just wants to crash on our couch, take us for granted and generally act like a 14 year old. He never wants to do anything with us either.

They make a big effort to see us during the holidays. I think he loves me, but he prefers to see me in small doses. I agree with that.

But the little time we spend together means that I don’t know him or his wife very well. I send gift cards for birthdays, but I have to ask if they have arrived, and I don’t get thanked until then. Interestingly, for Christmas they do a wonderful job finding me thoughtful gifts and they never forget to call me on my birthday or Mother’s Day.

I take great pleasure in giving them gifts that I think they would like, but I don’t feel like I know them well enough to do so. In these conditions, how can we get to know them better?

– Love at a distance

Dear Distance: Since you spend a lot of time on the phone, you might start to view your conversations as the heart of your relationship and use these discussions as an opportunity to ask deeper questions. You could even start by asking him what some of his favorite gifts were and why. This can give you clues about new gifts, but also inspire follow-up questions more related to their personality and habits.