My health is declining and I’m worried my husband might not take care of me | Life and style

I I am 53 years old and my husband is 60 years old. When our relationship started, it was forgetting; I tended to remember everything. I have always been aware that I should need to take care of him in his old age. But I am a caring person and I always thought I would manage.

This is not how things worked. My husband is quite healthy, while I am Suffering the beginnings of a notable cognitive decline – forgettingsubmerge and decrease in mobility – that I did not go to the doctor about.

My husband is not a very attentive person, and I I have no idea if he will care take care of me if I become more motionless or Start to forget things more. I want to feel loved, but I don’t do it. It is sad in itself and really frightening for the future.

I have had health challenges in the past year and I do my best to take care of me. My husband gives me a lot of advice on my weight and my healthBut he does not work or does not speak more slowly if I find it hard to follow.

Today, we went to the family cinema. I reserve hepaid and drivesBut my husband and my children left has cinema Without me and I couldn’t catch up. I want to be together, but I am left behind. This Feels like a metaphor for our life.

What I really want My husband to say is, “Don’t worry, I’m going to take care of yourself and you take care of myself.” But I don’t think he is capable of it.

Your letter was one of the saddest I read. Not because it is hopeless – completely the opposite – but because this gap between you and your family could be filled by communication. But I know it takes courage.

Please go to the doctor. An appropriate examination could put your mind to rest or give you concrete answers to the presence of your family. So many women of your age, who have had a life to take care of others, are exhausted and outdated – not because they fail, but because they are so capable. It’s time to start taking care of you.

The registered psychotherapist of the UKCP, Meeri Rebane, was “moved by your letter and your courage to ask for help. It seems that being the powerful “caregiver” is a role that you have played throughout your life. From the start of your relationship with your husband, you took responsibility for thinking about what needs to take care of the family. ” Rebane continued by saying that there is “nothing wrong with that, people can have a great accomplishment of the care of others, but who has taken care of you when you grow?”

We wondered if that was why you don’t think you can ask for help now? I wondered about your life when you were a child. You can find the podcast that I made on the useful child useful.

When you are the planner and the fixer, you and your needs may become invisible because you get along. I don’t think your husband and your children don’t care – after all, you have shown them a life of how to do it – but it is very likely that they have no idea what you feel.

“Your husband may not be able to give you the answer you need at the start,” says Rebane. “His way of expressing care can be different from yours. It does not mean that he does not want to take care of yourself. If you don’t tell him what you need, he can’t even try to support you.”

Asking for things when we are not sure that we will get them is frightening, but where you are also frightening. I know that is another thing that you should cause (if only our families were spirit readers!) But seeing the doctor and being clear and realistic about your needs is a very good way to help them.

Each week, Annalisa Barbieri addresses a personal problem sent by a reader. If you want Annalisa advice, please send your problem to request.annalisa@theguardian.com. Analisa regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence. Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions. Annasa’s latest podcast series is available here.