Tim Cook’s reward for exemplary service? The worst job in the world

There’s a running joke on the TV show “The Wire” about bumbling police officers being deceptively questioned about what position they would hold. less like to be given away, just so their vengeful bosses can be sure to send them there. (Detective McNulty gets sick on boats, for example, so he’s assigned to the marine unit.) I’m starting to wonder if Apple operates a similar system.

It was announced yesterday that Apple CEO Tim Cook will step down on September 1 after 28 years with the company, including 15 in senior positions. He’s accomplished more in that time than almost anyone else in the tech industry, so much so that some might even argue he’s been a better CEO than Steve Jobs. And Cook’s reward for this tireless service…is a full-time job as a presidential liaison.

That’s correct. Rather than retire, as a 65-year-old who has worked crazy hours for decades has every right to do, Cook is taking on a new role: executive chairman of Apple’s board of directors. Chairman of the board is one of those vague positions that can mean a lot or very little, depending on the state of the company and the disposition of the chairman. Some attend a few meetings and sign a few documents; others work long, stressful days putting out metaphorical fires. But it is not difficult to guess Cook’s main goal. He will be there to answer the phone when President Trump calls.

As far as we can tell, and as far as he likes anyone, Trump seems to like Tim. And Cook has done a good job of making the feeling seem mutual, dutifully participating in numerous speeches and photo ops and even donating $1 million of his personal fortune to the president’s inaugural committee. Against all odds, the two built a strong working relationship, and it’s unlikely that Apple would have obtained tariff exemptions and so-called special favors without playing nice in this way.

Reuters/YouTube

But none of this must have been easy. Cook is a member of the LGBTQ community and runs a famously liberal company that relies on skilled immigrant workers. So it’s hard to believe that he likes to publicly support a politician who campaigns against all of these things. Appearing in public with Trump can be polarizing because it gives the impression that one agrees with the often absurd things he says, and because he likes to demand gifts and other displays of loyalty. You have to sit there nodding even if he gets his name wrong.

On Tuesday morning, in fact, Trump posted on his Truth Social account that Cook called him to “kiss my ass” when he needed a favor before praising him as an “incredible manager and leader” and an “incredible guy” because “he makes these calls to me.” The relationship is therefore complicated.

If I were Cook, I’d be happy to hand these things over to the next man up. The problem is that Apple can’t replace this dynamic that easily. President Trump was surely briefed this morning on Apple’s new CEO, John Ternus. But Ternus doesn’t have that personal relationship with the president and hasn’t built loyalty with gifts and appearances. (He’s also not as famous as Cook, and Trump seems to be influenced by fame. Perhaps that’s why he gets along so well with New York Mayor Zohran Mamdani.)

Unfortunately for Cook, the worst part of the job is the one he has to continue doing for at least two more years. He will no longer lead product strategy. He will no longer appear on stage during keynotes. Instead, he spends all his time on call for the next presidential crisis, ready at any moment to stand behind the lectern and put on a straight face while a man rambles on about sharks and windmills. It’s almost enough to make me feel sorry for him, until I remember that he’s a billionaire and he certainly doesn’t need the money.

Which raises another possibility. Maybe Cook discovered he really liked political chatter. This might be his dream job. Now there is a troubling thought.