Kristi Noem’s husband alleged to live secret life, raising blackmail fears

I didn’t mean to attack Kristi Noem.

She did a terrible job, especially with ICE and FEMA, and seemed obsessed with promoting herself — whether in a Salvadoran prison or riding Mount Rushmore — and President Trump fired her. He probably waited too long, but he ousted her as Secretary of Homeland Security. End of story.

Until now.

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I know this reeks of tabloid gossip, but it directly implicates the ex-secretary and, making this very serious, it raises the possibility of blackmail. And this follows romantic rumors that she dismissed.

The Daily Mail, which has gathered a ton of evidence, reports on the “secret life,” to borrow a headline-grabbing cliché, of her husband, Bryon Noem.

There are several photos of Bryon Noem, wearing pink shorts and huge fake breasts.

Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem testifies at a hearing in Washington in March 2026. (Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images)

Mail reporters interviewed several “fetish” models who claim to have had an online relationship with Noem, linked to women fantasizing about becoming Barbie dolls with gigantic curves (far eclipsing the actual skinny dolls). This is called “bimbofication”.

The report said Mr. Noem allegedly paid these women thousands of dollars for their services, sometimes making salacious demands of them. I’ll spare you the disturbing details.

Kristi’s representatives told the New York Post: “Ms. Noem is devastated. The family has been blindsided by this and has asked at this time for privacy and prayers.”

The president told the Daily Mail he was surprised to hear the Noem family confirm the shocking report about her lewd behavior online.

“They confirmed it? Wow, well, I feel bad for the family if that’s the case, it’s too bad,” Trump said in a phone call.

But here’s the key part. Noem, according to the Mail, made little effort to conceal her extracurricular activities, giving women her husband’s phone number along with a voicemail message identifying his business.

The main concern, and the reason this is newsworthy, is that Kristi may have been blackmailed.

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Former CIA officer Marc Polymeropoulos told the newspaper: “If a media organization can figure this out, you can assume with a high degree of confidence that a hostile intelligence service knows it too. »

An editor for The Blaze’s Glenn Beck said, “The entire GOP is full of degenerates, at this point probably more so than the Democrats.” And in this case, all this was known well before his appointment. It was an insane appointment.

Alright, I think we’ve all had enough.

Bryon Noem, husband of former Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem, center, watches as Kristi Noem testifies during a Senate Judiciary Committee hearing in Washington, DC, Tuesday, March 3, 2026. (Graeme Sloan/Bloomberg via Getty Images)

Let’s turn to the new DHS Secretary, former Senator Markwayne Mullin.

As the New York Times reports, “Mullin worked in less flashy beginnings: He briefed members of Congress on the effects of the government shutdown, attended White House meetings and made a video talking about the people he now supervises. ‘I think I have the best people working at DHS ever — I mean that sincerely,'” he said in a video.

Mullin still has to manage a mass deportation program that has plummeted in public approval – especially after the killing of two US citizens in Minneapolis. And he largely shares Trump’s hard-line views.

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During his confirmation hearing, Mullin said, “My goal six months from now is that we’re not in the news every day. My goal is that people understand that we’re out there and we’re protecting them and we’re working with them.”

It will be a difficult balancing act – especially since, for the moment, DHS funding is frozen – except for TSA workers, by executive order – with the two parties unable to agree on how to resolve the partial government shutdown.

What is clear is that the Kristi Noem era is over, with a new boss who would rather avoid headlines than seek them out.

Department of Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem takes the oath of office before testifying during a Senate Judiciary Committee oversight hearing on Capitol Hill in Washington, Tuesday, March 3, 2026. (Manuel Balce Ceneta/AP Photo)

Footnote: Jimmy Kimmel attacks derogatory remarks against Markwayne Mullin.

“Let me be very clear: I’m not upset that the head of Homeland Security was a plumber. I’m upset that he’s no longer a plumber,” Kimmel said. “That’s right. We now have a plumber who protects us from terrorism. It worked for Super Mario. Why not Markwayne?”

This was widely criticized as denigrating the working class.

“Secretary Mullin represents the best of working-class America, and failed comedian Jimmy Kimmel chooses to ridicule him for it,” a DHS spokesperson told Fox.

Additionally, Mullin took over the debt-ridden family business and grew it into a major regional operation, including real estate and environmental services.

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Kimmel doubled down, despite the criticism. “I wouldn’t put a plumber in charge of homeland security for the same reason I wouldn’t call a five-star general to get a rat out of my toilet. OK? We all have our areas of expertise.”

Jimmy just has a tin ear on this one.